thelifeimstuckwith

i'm back

2009-12-03T03:12:00.000-08:00

yes i'm back.

well, i will be.

i want to re-build this whole thing. and meanwhile i opened a tumblr: goodbye apathy

thank you.

2008-12-17T07:22:00.000-08:00

Seriously.
Too long I haven't post in here.

But since it's been too long, i suppose i've lost my skill of writing neways. So there isnt much i really wanna tell =/

Well, just dropping by to confirm whoever reads this that yes i'm still alive, living my life as it is.

Let me just find the right mood to write alright.
Then I'll fix this whole lameness of mine.

Get back at ya promise.

♥

2008-05-15T11:07:00.001-07:00

It's over. Thank effing god. national tests are over..although it doesnt feel like so. but whatever.
if i look back on what i wrote in the previous post, i should say that its easier to say than actually be done.

okay, so one night, a week before national tests, i was alone. then for some unknown reason, which is kinda not hard for me to figure, i started crying. and it was hard to stop which is kinda funny, cuz its hard for me to cry and i havent cried like that for like, a heck of a long time. it felt good cuz im finally able to express how i feel instead of bottling it all up inside and let it scar me continuously, but at the same time i felt horrible. then i thought i should talk to someone, but then i realised.. hey, what are you doing? theres no one to talk to... which was true, there was really no one left for me to rely on. & i felt a different kind of loneliness, not the one im used to, this one actually hurts more.

i cried for myself. for my friends who were having fun, not knowing and doesnt seem to care about me, since theyre so happy that they lost sight of the ground and im left alone when ive been trying to cry out for help. i cried for a guy who hasnt contacted me for a week and left me hanging when hes been convincing i can put my trust on him. i cried for another guy who i cant seem to get over, who i loved so fucking much. i cried for the stress and pressure of school and my future.
i used to be able to cope up with my feelings, going out still looking alright and keeping it all together. but that time i was tired and i seriously didnt know what to do. it all came falling apart on me. the time i thought would eventually come was righ then. i broke down.

isnt it funny, how theres always some problem or complains that i just can write in this pathetic web page of mine.

i guess right now, im still going with the flow. im still letting anything thats supposed to happen happens. i still know im gonna go through what i have to go through. things got a little better after that night, just a tad bit... but everything will get better in time or if doesnt, itll get easier...eventually. or ill just get used to it.

one more.

If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

If I wrote a note to God
I would say whats on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say

Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on

Jojo - a note to god

<33

2008-04-05T19:23:00.000-07:00

I promised i was gonna post again.

About that guy on the previous post..
a few days ago i just got home from going out, my intentions about him was i wanted to put him behind and just move on. but everytime i start to do that, he just comes crawling back in. i cant just ignore him, i dont want to anyway. --anyway, i came home from going out with the distro guy, then he smsed this poem. i thought he sent it to other people too just to waste some creds. i wanted to make sure so i called a friend. she said she didnt get any poem. so i thought 'why did he only send it to me? is it supposed to mean something?' and i replied him. he said it wasnt meant to be for anyone. yea right. then why send it to me?

so we just smsed normally and out of nowhere he asked who i was with now. i said no one and i asked him why he asked and if he was already with someone else. he said no cuz i still cant forget you. ha.ha. then why did you ever let me go?

in the end of our conversation, he ran outta creds. but when i thought he wasnt gonna sms anymore, he used someone else's number. he ran straight to the point. i guess he just couldnt wait and he said--well you guessed it.. still having feelings, cant forget each other. he asked me back and i said i felt exactly the same thing. when i thought it was gonna be a start of something, i was left hanging again.
after one long confusion, i have decided to seriously just not expect anything and put him as my bitter sweet past.

theres clearly someone better for me, and hes right in front of me. no matter how my heart still flutters everytime i remember him or how much he has affected me & my life and how he still comes out in my dreams. the way something's telling me we could be one perfect loving couple.
i gotta ignore it. gotta move on.

damn. i gotta go again.
be back. promise.

<33

2008-04-01T04:30:00.000-07:00

*squeals*
Hi!
You have got to miss me this time, riight?
aw come on, i know you do.
look at how long i havent post! theres heaps to catch up on! heheh. & im excited to tell you everything youve been missing out. yes everything, so hold on tight its one long ride.

*takes one deep breath*
here it goes...

Well, semester 2 came up. After 2 weeks of lonely holidays i finally met up with my friends and start snoozing in classes again. Same daily routine, but things got busier. I was burried with homeworks, assigns and things to study, not to mention all the pressure. But i got used to it and things start to settle up.

Although... there was one ~~meaningful~~ thing that happened on the last weekend of holidays before school started.. I was going out that night with Fira and somehow we decided not to go home. So i told my mum i was sleeping over at friend's and Fira told her mum she was sleeping at my place. Sssh! I know, bad girls but whatevs. She contacted her cuzin after we didnt know what to do and it was getting seriously late at night. Then we went to where her cuzin was. He was with his friends. I knew this guy that used to be close to Fira, but they got some issues, and she told he has a brother, she said he was gonna be there. I didnt care that much. So I met some new people, and i met that guy's brother. Lets call him x. I met him. One simple hand shake and just a glance, thats all i did. Nothing--and i meant nothing came across my mind when i saw him.. he was just another guy. We rode up to bukit bintang where there was no stars at all (redicilous i know) and then i heard "majma i think the guy that i like likes you" "are you serious? he just met me. whatever." "no seriously" "okay whatever" --yes it was the x guy.

but that turned into one big tangled up mess.

at first it was..awesome. for some reason he just popped into my dreams and i started having feelings for him. then it grew even more. before i knew it, he asked me out on valentines. it was like a dream came true. of course i said yes. but after awhile this fucked up insecurity grew in me and my trust slowly loosen. typical and stupid! something ive never wanted to be!! but i waited and i was patient, but i couldnt seem to find the answers i was looking for. so i stupidly dumped him. i was starting to get over him and met a new guy who works in a distro. & boy is he cute.. he seemed to like me too. i was happy.

until one day my friend dragged me and told me the awful truth. it felt like sky was falling on me. and my heart just dropped to my tummy. my judgement --wait. judgement? i judge? what was i doing?? majma!! whatthefuck?! what have you became? --anyway, my judgement was wrong. everything i thought he was, was wrong. he was everything ive been looking for. he was everything i wished he was. until now i sit in regret wishing to take back those words and have the guts to run over to him give him one big hug and say "im sorry. lets start over."
i cant. i havent seen him for long. but my feelings just grow even more. he said he misses me. i miss him too.. so much. it was only awhile but i love him more than ive ever loved a guy and its hard to forget the connection we were making even though it was almost too invisible to see.

but.. im trying to start something new.. ive been getting close to that distro guy and hes nice, cute, caring, shows his affection. maybe he'll prove me that one day i can appreciate what i did, my regret. maybe he'll make me realize that everything really does happen for a reason.

its actually much more complicated than that.
but i gotta skid. ill continue later.
promise =)

<33

2008-01-06T03:09:00.001-08:00

Happy New Year!!!

yeah late i know, but better than nothing.
wow its been a year. and ever since i got here, i barely write on my blog anymore. but noone really read it anyway. so i have this feeling 2008 will be kinda tough. but that thought kinda came up since i noticed UAN is coming up on May. Damn.

anyhow. id prefer not to talk about school.
i had a nye party. but not many people came. well there were quite alot of people. just not my 'friends'. ah whatever. i dont wanna talk about that either.

i had so many things in mind of what to write before, but now that im supposed to write it, i cant remember any 0_0

ill just.. go.

<33

2007-12-13T05:12:00.000-08:00

You have a bit too much on your plate right now. So today, try to just let go of some of it. Part of the stress you are going through (if not all of the stress you are going through) is self-inflicted. So if you can get yourself to see things in a more carefree way, you will start to feel more carefree overall. Your emotions might be clouded up, but that is because you are distracted. Turn away from your personal worries by getting involved in positive, fun things with friends.

Lol.

Miss MEE?
No?
Well, you should.
I haven't post anything for a long time. Very long time. You're missing out alotta things in my life. I'd type everything so the blog can catch up, but i can't be bothered. But at the moment, the worse of my UAS is over. Now I gotta deal with english tomorrow, and catch up on year 7s and 8s studies for UN.

It feels fast huh? Time's going way too fast. I can't seem to catch up with everything. I need a rest just a tiny bit. Rest myself in peace with no thoughts of school or anything else. I kinda wanna go to bali with a friend this holiday before i drill myself to death with all the studies for next semester. Besides that, let's not talk about school.

I miss Sydney soo much!! I miss everyone, everything. Actually, I miss my past. *sighs* But I kinda don't too at the same time cuz I hate it at some points. But yeah... whatever....

I dont know what to say,, I'll be back later..
I promise.

<33

2007-09-26T01:41:00.000-07:00

I have around 2 hours till I can break my fast.
Im at a net cafe. I dont wanna raise the phone bills.

The midterms are done! Thank god. But yeah, let's worry about the results later shall we? I have another one and a half week of school then 2 weeks of holz. Its gonna be a long one and a half week. Honestly, if I could then I wouldn't go to school at all next week. I'm too lazy to study, holidays are close.

My butt hurts. Ive been sitting for awhile now and this chair isnt so comfy.

Today, thanx to my driver I was grilled under the sun for one and a half hour. I was 15 minutes late. Well there goes another reason for the teachers to hate me, not that they dont already. They dislike me enough as it is.

I need to get out of my house. I havent been going out for awhile. & I somehow feel isolated. Although I see my friends at school, but I guess I've been too busy thinking about other things.

I miss Aussie.

I've been sitting here for minutes and I can't think of anything else to type.
& If I sit here for another minute I swear my butt's gonna swell.

<33

2007-09-08T23:56:00.000-07:00

HI!!
Miss Me??

I guess not.

So much to catch up on. Its been a long while.
its mid term already and tests are coming up. I've been busy. School is getting busier. I guess I don't really have anything to say. I don't know why.
Let's see... *thinks* Well, nothing really. I bought some band shirts on Friday.
School is getting really tough. There's been assigns and homeworks and tests, yet the teachers never explain the subjects properly. & all of a sudden the next week we got a test about it. Which leads to bad marks and the whole night trying to study. Whatever though. I don't really care anymore.

Well, fasting month is coming soon. And I'm gonna be diligent and pray I can go back to Australia having a so much better life. Prays are heard in fasting month right? Hah. But seriously. Who knows. I wanna be somebody, who has a future ahead and good marks, but not worrying a thing about how to get them. And that'll never happen here.
There's been pressure, but I'm trying to ignore it and enjoy things as it comes. If I think of how I'm wasting all the fun in my teenage years here and would have a better time in Australia, that's gonna make me go pretty insane. So Im trying to have fun here and do different and risky stuff.

--Oh. How could I forget. I got a new hair^^ It's short. Haha. It's cool though. I look slim just chubbier on the face. I don't look like I'm drowning in my long and thick hair.
I gotta go. I'll post again. Sometime.

2007-07-25T04:48:00.000-07:00

Hi. Yes. Im back. Again.
I have ALOT to say. So get ready. mkay, here it goes..

My reports were fine. I had no red/bad marks or anything, which is good.. and bad. Cuz then poeple expect more, & they think.. "if only in a few months of catching up she doesnt get any bad marks, so that means she wont have any problems next year.." which means, here comes people's expectation of wanting me to be first in class again.. etc etc.

Bali.. It was great. Alot of fun. Outdoor activities mostly.. for TEN DAYS! I was practically grilled under the sun & came back to Bandung with a tanner skin,, & Hopeless thoughts of the coming new school year.. But most of all, I wore free clothings. I mean, I left all my screwed up feelings and everything that'll ruin my holidays behind in Bandung. & It kinda make the way I dress differently. I tend to just pick up any free clothes thats on the very top of my travel bag. But my bag was filled with black, so it doesnt change that much.. I was more careless I guess..

Came back to Bandung with a new look (you know, I got darker and stuff & wore what people wear when theyre on vacation), gave the gifts to my friends. & a New year of school started.
I knew what class I was in, so I went around to see which one is my class cuz they mix it up again. I found it. Its besides the toilet & musholla. Great. It's on the side that you can see alot from there. & can easily be spotted and watched by teachers. Thats even Greater. But yeah, whatever. I looked around and found a spot to sit on the very back. A few girls came into the class, and I was seriously glad to see they were my friends. What was on my mind : 'Thank God! At least i know a few people..' & the rest is history that I dont think it's that much important to tell.

I guess, so far I've been trying to adapt in a new situation at school. Although it's not that much different.. But yeah. I've been trying to be stable abit. I dont wanna fall apart (again) in year 9.. especially next year anywhere near UN. If that happens, I'm gonna start pulling my teeth out.

I'll keep it this long. I gotta skid.
<33

2007-07-13T20:18:00.000-07:00

I havent posted anything for SO long. Heh. This blog has alot of things to catch up.
First of first.. Remember my piercings? well, the earings are like screwed and it made the skin around the piercings infected. So I took the piercings off and it's turning out okay cuz its drying up. Hmm, what else. My year was supposed to have this excursion to jakarta thing before they give us our reports. Instead of going with school, I went with some other peeps and spent the night in a hotel. It was okay I guess, pretty fun in a way. & about my reports and my yearlies, it was fine. I didnt fail a subject =) And I went to bali for holidays.

It hasnt been all fun and holidays all the time and I have alot more to say, but I really gotta go. So I'll continue later.

<33

2007-06-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

So for some reason my broadband hasn't been paid & now I'm stuck at a warnet.
Anywhoos, I'm.. yeah.. I'm okay.. I guess. I have my yearlies next week and yet I'm still going on internet and ignoring all the studies I'm supposed to do. I'm pretty much screwed up cos I missed out alot of things since I practically came in the middle of the year and the first weeks of the second semester. & I don't think I have enough marks to actually pass year 8 unless I do really well on my yearlies. I'm gonna need my luck again, so please wish me luck.

Other than that.. I have nothing else to say.
<33

2007-05-31T09:26:00.000-07:00

Well, based on the previous post, my reaction was still abit.. I dunno. It was like still on the first hours after it happened. So I was still trying to make up my mind, arrange my thoughts and feelings, and trying to settle myself up.

But anyhow, cheering myself up from everything that had been scrumbled up inside me was easier than you'd expect. I thought the best way, was to go walking-walking, and forget about every single thing just for once and waste my time. Ended up going to BSM with fira. I don't know why, but for some reason I wanted to pierce a part of my body. Knowing it would take awhile for my mum to let me do it if I do funny piercings, I did it on my ears again. Besides, it looked empty, cos I only had one in each ears. & We did some other stuff. Like watching POTC 3 until like 9 at night. So we got picked up instead. I have to say that we had fun. We laughed and stuff, and for once in a long time, I let everything flew. I didn't think of anything. Even my money, I let it flew T_T & it actually made me feel better.

Other than that, I talked to ria too. She said something about that maybe I should focused more to my yearlies soon and stuff, and just let anything happens happens. I knew she was right. So I tried to do it. & hey, it was kind of working in a way. Maybe I'm still careless as shit in class. But surprisingly, I came first in my try out today. Unexpected. --Oh god, how did I do it? I don't feel like I deserved it. Didn't even know that we had a try out.. I hope my yearlies goes as well as that o_0

Now, I think I got myself together abit. I just have to keep myself that way. I was just at that point when everything that has been bottled up inside that it started to create so much pressure. So now I'm kind of trying to loosen myself up.

So That's that. I'm letting everything go, so I can freshen up.
<33

2007-05-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

It's over.
Hurts, but I'm glad. I'm happy. But also pissed. This feeling of wanting to break his skin.
What does it matter though... I don't care anymore. The sms of him saying he's starting to regret what he did/said doesn't really works. & Instead I felt satisfied. Not because there's a chance of it coming back, but because if there is a chance, I want to break it in front of his face. But then the feeling of guilty came up. & Once again I'd be thoughtless, lost & not knowing what to do again. At the same time, I still want to teach him a lesson. Make him look through my point of view. I can be cruel. I'm upset. & Trust me, I don't get upset easily. From the first place, I knew & had a feeling it wasn't gonna work out. I didn't want to end something without a reasong. So I waited until he realised it himself. I didn't even push away when I needed to. He's not aware of what he makes me feel. He made me feel like I deserved it. If you think you made sacrifices for what we got, then you don't know what sacrifices are.

I'm not the kind of person who grieve about such things. Well, most of the time, no. & Especially thinking about how I don't care about him. I know myself, hating or loving is practically a similar thing; it's an obsession. & I don't want to be obsessed over him. I guess the best thing is not to care, which I don't. He starres like he doesn't care, but he does though. I wish I was heartless, so even though I know I am, and people hate me. It wouldn't matter, cos I won't feel a thing. & I'd be the one who won't care at all.

Anyhow, it doesn't bother me much. Cos I'm glad it's done. I'm glad I was smart enough to take the first step, before he did. He had the intention to rip what he sew. But I did it for him. Be thankful. & No, I did not drop a tear. I'm better off without him.

<33

2007-05-20T04:52:00.000-07:00

Wow. Linkin Park has never let me down. I swear. Except the fact that it took so long for Minutes To Midnight to come out. As I listened to my uncle's Minutes To Midnight he just bought, I realised that they've changed alot. They sound different. But I'm not dissapointed. It's funny. I kinda grow with their music. Hybrid Theory, Reanimation & Meteora was well, harder and more aggressive & as I was in the past, when I started realising their music means so much to me. Their old music's still relateable, but I find it easier to listen to them when I'm pissed, angry, upset or when I just.. I dunno in the edge of breaking down I guess. But when I listen to Minutes To Midnight... I was like.. That's unexpected, but I like it. Less screaming, less scratching, more Mike's singing.. but still excellent. It's like.. deeper, but less aggressive.

When I heard What I've Done on MTV, I thought that I was gonna be dissapointed and I thought I'd like their old music better. But I was right before, I shouldn't judge by first impression. I can't exactly compare it to the other albums.. they're all good in different ways.

<33

2007-05-11T09:55:00.000-07:00

In a second thought, I don't think I'll ever bother explaining what happened. Well, not now anyway. & Yes I have a reason for that.. it's cos at the moment I'm actually focusing on something and my feelings has been stabled. Although I'm still screwed, but whatever.

Something's wrong with me, I've been laughing like an idiot for some unknown effing reason. I don't think there's anything worth talking about. I'm just typing cos I need someone to talk to and yet there's no one. As always. I might need to change my way of blogging. I think it's depressing some people. Hah.

You know what I need?
I need Farah or Dev or any other person I used to spend most of my time with. Then I'd waste my weekends with them, stay up late, play with eyeliner, being camwhores, watch horror movies, scare ourselves, go to the city, waste our money, laugh all we want, prank people etc. Everything I used to waste my time on in Sydney. That's what I need. Although bumming around the internet when you're supposed to study is exluded.

My english is failing meee... Whatever happened to my writing skills & sense of humour...

<33

2007-05-07T08:38:00.000-07:00

Oh geez. Let me take back those words I said in the previous post. So not worth it. I'll explain later. When I can be bothered. *hits my head on the table*

<33

2007-05-05T21:43:00.000-07:00

Yet again im trapped in this feeling of guilt.
*sigh* How should I explain it?

firstly, i lost my phone. again. yes, i said the same thing in the previous post. but this is my new phone that i got for a change. i lost it.. someone stole it. i got picked pocket. again.

& now i feel guilty for what ive done yesterday. i was so fucking selfish. it was the shoot for the contest. i met up with fira and then all of a sudden HE came. i didnt want him to see me like that so i just went "OMG. WHY DID YOU BRING HIM?? WTF IS HE DOING HERE?!"

without even saying anything else, i shoo-ed him away.
i knew it right at that moment when i noticed he was gone, what i did was wrong. i felt kinda guilty and i thought... "he'll understand" then i took my shots.

when i got home, i called fira. then she read this sms.. and i said "whos that?" she said "your bf" the sms involved something with feeling crushed like some italian food. i dunno. it was weird in a poetic way. but you get the point.

anyhow, i feel guilty. although he just doenst understand. all i wanted from that contest was the money. i wanna buy instruments. i wanted the band to work out. i wanted to make music. i didnt want any of the clothes, photo shots or attention. when i first thought about it, i wasnt gonna do it. but my aunt told me to. fira told me to. my mum told me to. i thought id make them happy. id make myself happy.

i didnt feel comfortable in my own skin (not that i ever do) i didnt want anyone i know to see me like that and i didnt feel like being seen or being around alot of people. the words just slipped. it wasnt my intention to crush him. its just not me to go to some kind of contest like that. and i know no matter what, i'll always look weird and different in his eyes. and those kind of comments isnt gonna support me. to be honest i have so much pressure these days. and to be more honest, just by talking to him, it doesnt help me by one tiny bit. im just wasting his money. im wasting him. i dont like what i did. what im doing.

now that i dont have a phone, i cant straighten things out. im sick of pretending. im tired of trying. i hate explaining things. im tired of whining.

i can do alot of things. i can go and buy a phone today. i can say im sorry and say what i just wrote i guess. i can stop trying and pretending and just let it go. or i can just say everything thats on my mind and see what'll happen later.
or maybe i can just sit here, in front of the computer, listening to music & hating myself.

<33

2007-04-04T07:49:00.000-07:00

So many things to tell. So many that I don't know how to start.
Alot of things happened. Like Linkin Park's new single!^^ I'm not that disappointed, but yeah they do somehow sound abit commercial. I still listen to them anyways.
I don't know how I'm gonna say everything all out. But anyway, let's jump to what happened today...

I lost my mobile. The one Farah gave me. I swear I'm still pissed until now. I wanna text some people, but then again I have to wait until my mum buys me another phone. Which is probably worse than the one I used to have.

I had a bad day.

<33

2007-03-21T08:04:00.000-07:00

Note to self: Stop eating cheese.
Somehow I think I'm starting to get alergic to cheese. Yeah, they're not very friendly to my tummy anymore. Just a little bit of it can make me go to the toilet. It wouldn't matter much though cos I don't really like cheese.

Anyway, I'm worried and scared. No it's not about school. I just heard an 18 seconds clip of LP's new single that'll be coming out on the 2nd of April. It was... different. Just different. It was like.. "Forgive me what I've done... Forgive me what I've done..." But it was only 18 seconds so I'm not gonna judge it from there. I'll be patient and wait for the whole song (and album) to come out. I don't wanna be dissapointed =/ I trust LP, but yeah.. you know.. *sigh* Yeah, go listen to the 18 second clip here It's actually a ringtone, but just listen to it anyways. I think when it comes out, I'd like it, but then I'm gonna miss their old stuff.

I'm supposed to revise and study for my tests tomorrow.. owell. Not like it's gonna matter, cos I'd still get bad marks anyway =P I can copy my friend's.

<33

2007-03-16T19:12:00.000-07:00

Today I woke up, still pissed at some people. Anyhow, I ended up reading my Archives. I miss Australia so much. I laughed at some of the posts I wrote. I think I had a better sense of humour and blogging on the past, hah. Looking back, I realised how alot of things happened in the past 2 years.. and I miss it. But.. I LOVE 2006! It was such a great year. I mean seriously, since alot of things happened in 2006 and mostly bad stuff, I thought it was the worst year ever. But I had so many memories from that year that I'd never forget. And I guess my friends had always been there especially Dev and that year came Farah too, who understands me more than anyone besides Dev. What's so funny is that when I'm upset and I think about all those past stuff, it cheers me up. Weird I know. From the time Ria left to me changing and the 'almost breaking up of my family' and then me making one of my biggest mistakes and then dev left and then farah came and whoa! so many other things. Hehe, I miss those times..

<33

2007-03-16T09:29:00.000-07:00

somehow this cheered me up. lmao. weeiird..
yah.

<33

2007-02-28T02:34:00.000-08:00

Yeah, it does takes alot of patient to finally have a net at home eh? But I still don't have much time, I have heaps of things to do.

I guess school has been going better but I still don't like it. I don't know, I have this weird feeling and I don't really feel comfortable with anything. Anyway, I miss Aussie too much and I guess being here doesn't really.. dunno it doesn't feel like anything's worth it anymore. But being here makes you feel like you need to have good grades at school more cos somehow it's just easier to feel scared that in the future you can't stand up by yourself and ending up as a poor person or a hobo and you can feel that you actually need to have a good education.. which sucks.
But what makes it worse is that school isn't all you're facing and all the other stuff outside school is making everything complicated and confusing and you get easily frustrated - well I do - and yeah.. I guess there's alot more pressure here. Although somehow I just smile alot. Maybe cos I don't know what else to do I smile in that ugly way and laugh, but it does help cos it makes things feels lighter. Anyhow, I'm still screwed as ever and I'm trying to fix it and get rid of my laziness.

Alright, bye.

2007-02-10T00:47:00.000-08:00

ALRIGHT. I'm FINALLY ON. Still in internet cafe, viruses in the computer at home and my laptop refuses to go to internet here. I guess it hates it here as much as I do. I have to be patient for at least 2 more weeks and things will get better I think.
You know what? I don't think anyone is gonna care to read this but I'm just gonna spill.

Okay *takes deep breath* I'm an outsider here. The quiet girl from Australia who just somehow doesn't fit in and has bad marks. My life flipped 180% ..in a bad way of course. My dreams just shattered into pieces and I don't think I can fit them back together. My marks are way below usual and I have my finals in 4 months I think and I don't know if I'm gonna pass. I study around 10 hours a day cos I take private lessons after school and study again at night before I go to school. I know, since when have I become into a nerd? But my marks are still not that good *sigh* How I miss Australia SO much. I'd do anything to get back there. I'm lost here and yeah I can't really be myself and I can't do the things I love. It's so unfair. Awww.. I should've stayed..
I haven't smiled and laugh like I meant it for weeks.

Stuff stuff. I gotta do what I'm meant to do here. Project. Byez.

2007-01-25T20:54:00.000-08:00

And so I have arrived in Indo safely. Oh, how surprising.. I'm in internet cafe right now.
ALright. I'm fine, dont like it here much. now I gtg. Tata.

2007-01-15T04:31:00.000-08:00

Look how many days left until Thursday! It's so too soon and I'm not ready yet. Ahh!! I have alot of things to do. I should've enjoyed those lazy few days last week. What a record I didn't go on MSN for 2 whole days, hah. And moving schedules around also frustrates me.

About the Blue Mountain Katoomba thing.. Well, it was meant to be sort of a rest and a refreshment for the whole family, but it didn't really turn up that way. We had a walk in The Three Sisters and decided to go down to the Giant Stairway, without even thinking how we'd get back up and where it leads to. Guess what happened? My little brother was so way ahead that we lost him. It was in the middle of the bush, under The Three Sisters for god's sake! So we looked for him and walked for around 5 km until we reached the Scenic World. I wore my platform shoes, I swear I thought my knees were about to fall off that time. Anyway, we found him eventually - no, the police found him after we showed a picture of him. They found him in front of our cabin. PFT. He walked alone all the way from Scenic World to our accomodation. I don't know how he found his way, but he did. And this is the conversation my little brother had with the police..

Police: Hey little boy, are you lost?
LilBro: No.
Police: Well it looks like you are. Are your parents here?
LilBro: No. They're in Echo Point or somewhere.. I dunno.
Police: Does your dad wears a white shirt and glasses?
LilBro: Yes
Police: Does your mum wears that head dress thing? (he meant scarf)
LilBro: Yes
Police: Does your sister wears black shirt?
LilBro: ..Uh, yeah.. no..?
Police: Okay, hop on.

So we spent our energy looking for him, while he was sitting on the ground in front of our cabin, enjoying his bubblegum. We met him back in Scenic World and walked home.. which was really tiring. Didn't really sleep well at night, my feet ached like hell! Everywhere we went, we had to walk. Okay, this is a pretty long post.. I better end it before you all snore in front of your computers.

~`JJe~ <33

2007-01-13T02:35:00.000-08:00

I've been really busy these days. I've been going in and out of my house everyday. Then after that, I always got tired and fall asleep. When I wake up, it's always already dark. So by the time I'm meant to sleep, I can't sleep.

So today I went to Flamington. Did all the shopping stuff, and went to Peddis and Market City as well. I got myslef 2 pairs of shoes, a dark jeans, a belt and a black and grey shirt with a hoodie. Was about to buy Dev's shoes, but there was too many things to carry, so I'm coming back on Tuesday. I have to say that I don't like shopping much, the only thing I like is to have something new and use/wear it. Just that. That's the only reason I even bother going. And my mum needs help choosing things for families & relatives in Indo and stuff.

I have so many things to do that I've been distracting things I need to solve lately. But I really don't care anymore, and I'd like to keep it that way. I'm a chicken. I also realised that I'm lucky, but I just don't know how to enjoy it. I don't like the way things are for some reason. Bye now. I'm going to Katoomba for a night tomorrow. Egh. I'm very very hard to be excited now. Yeahh, I know I'm weird. Very weird.

~`JJe~ <33

2007-01-07T17:47:00.000-08:00

I changed the music. And I'm here just to show you how bored I am. Got this off from here. So here's the 'Infamous 400 question survey' Mwaha. I double double dare you to do this!

Section One: Basics
1. Name: M*jm*
2. Nickname(s): jje, maj, munch, puk, etc.
3. Birthday: 10th of October 19**
4. That makes you: **
5. Where were you born: Indonesia
6. Location right now: Sydney Australia
7. Shoe size: 8 I think
8. How many piercings?: 2
9. Tattooes?: None
10. When you wake up you're: awake and still tired
11. When your about to sleep you're: awake, bored and tired
12. Zodiac sign: Libra
13. Chinese sign: Rooster
14. Righty or Lefty: Righty
15. Innie or Outie: Innie
16. School: I've come out of South Sydney High, I'm moving and I have no idea

Section Two: Looks
17. Nationality: Indonesian
18. Hair color: Black
19. Eye color: Dark brown
20. Weight: 46 kg
21. Height: 5' something
22. Braces?: No
23. Glasses?: No

Section Three: Private Life
24. Do you have a boyfriend?: No
25. If so, who?: ---
26. If not, do you have a crush on someone?: No
27. Who has a crush on you?: No one that I know of
28. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?: No
29. Who was your first kiss: Hasn't happened yet
30. Who was your last: None
31. Are you a virgin?: Yes
32. Ever had a threesome before?: No.
33. If you could have sex with anyone, who would that be?: No one
34. Have you ever been in love?: No I don't think so
35. Broken any hearts?: Don't think so
36. Got your heart broken?: No
37. Ever liked a friend?: Not really
38. What happened?: Nothing

Section Four: Past Relationships..
39. How many relationships have you been in: 0
40. How many were serious enough to count: 0
41. Who were those serious ones: No one. I'm loveless =P
42. Funnest hook-ups: never been hooked up
43. What made them different: ---
44. What happened: ---
45. Best boy/girlfriend: No one
46. Worst boy/girlfriend: No one
47. Ever been kissed: No
48. Who do you want back: No one
49. Who do you regret: No one
50. Why: Because I have no one

Section Five: Favorites
51. Song: Don't know really.
52. Movie: The Hitchiker's Guide To The Galaxy
53. Food: Loads
54. Drink: Water
55. Store: None
56. Television show: Don't have one
57. Holiday: I dunno.
58. Book: Loads
59. Ice cream: Tiramisu
60. Candy: Starburst
61. Chip: BBQ
62. Type of music: Any, mostly rock
63. Artist: Linkin Park
64. Word: Stuck
65. Time of day: Night
66. Dressing: Shirts and pants
67. Alcoholic drink: None
68. Color(s): Violet, Black, Fluoro Green
69. Piece of clothing: This one particular black shirt
70. Character: ---
71. Smell: Paint
72. Shampoo: I don't know.
73. Soap: Uhh.
74. Smiley:
75. Board game: Dunno
76. Sport(s): Swimming, Basketball, Volleyball, Hockey, Softball
77. Number: 7
78. Quote: "Shut up"
79. Animal: Wolf, Deer
80. Actor: No one
81. Actress: ^
82. Vegetable: Potato
83. Fruit: Grape
84. Place to be: Bed
85. Thing in your room: My bed
86. Gum: Bubbalicious
87. Shape: Triangle
88. Country: Japan
89. Mall: Dunno
90. Car: Dunno.
91. Boy's name: Don't know.
92. Girl's name: Don't know.
93. Family member: ^
94. Restaurant: Taste Of Thai, Fujiya
95. Movie place: Dunno
96. Person to go to the movies with: Dunno.
97. Noise: "Bang, bang, bang" ?
98. Brand of shoe: Converse
99. Brand of clothing: Uh, dunno
100. Body part of a chicken: Leg
101. Swear word: Crap
102. Month: October
103. Possession: Nothing
104. Team: None.
105. Season: Winter
106. Radio station: Nothing really
107. Magazine: None
108. Favorite grade: A
109. Least favorite grade: F
110. Teacher: Mr. Moxham, Mr. Tan
111. Least favorite teacher: dunno
112. Subject: Music
113. Subject to talk about : Dunno

Section Six: Family
114. Who's your mum?: My mum
115. Who's your dad?: My dad
116. Any step-parents?: Yes; a mum and a dad
117. Any brothers?: 3
118. Any sisters?: No
119. Most annoying family member: Brothers
120. Coolest: Dunno
121. Loudest: Little brother
122. Best relative: Aunts, dad
123. Worse relative: I dunno
124. Do you get along with your parents? Sometimes.
125. With your siblings? Sometimes.
126. Does anyone understand you? I dunno, not really.
127. Do you have any pets?: Not anymore
128. If so, what kind and name? ---
129. If not, what do you want as a pet?: Squirrel
130. Can i be a part of your family?: Get your own

Section Seven: School
131. Are you still in school?: Yes
132. Did you drop out?: No
133. Your current GPA: GPA?
134. Do you buy or bring lunch?: Mostly bring
135. ABC's?: ?
136. Favorite class: Music
137. Play any sports at school?: Yeah
138. Are you popular?: I don't know. No.
139. Favorite memory: None
140. Most humiliating moment: Ohh. Egh. Don't you even remind me *hides face*
141. Most funniest moment: Funny moments.
142. Most scared moment: I dunno
143. Your first friend in school: I forgot her name. Haha.
144. Are you still friends with that person?: I don't think she even remembers me.

Section Eight: Word Associations
145. Chicken: leg
146. Dog: cat
147. Christina Aguilera: whatever
148. Ricky Martin: bah
149. 50 cent: black
15o. Poop: pants
151. Beach: boys
152. Desert: sand
153. Water: wet
154. Osama Bin Laden: meh
155. Love: heart
156. Brother: sister
157. Butt: head
158. Clowns: nose
159. Wonder: land
16o. Brown: hair
161. Banana: peel
162. Sex: moans
163. Parents: parents
164. Homosexuals: gay
165. God: unsure

Section Nine: Do you believe in..
166. God: I guess
167. Heaven: I guess
168. Devil: I guess
169. Hell: I guess
170: Boogy man: No
171. Closet Monsters: No
172. Fortune tellings: No
173. Magic: Like a rabbit out of a hat? no.
174. Love at first sight: Not really
175. Ghosts: Nah
176. Voo-doo dolls: No
177. Reincarnation: Uh, no.
178. Yourself: At times, try to at least.

Section Ten: Do you..
179. Smoke: No
180. Do drugs: No
181. Drink alcohol: No
182. Cuss: Yeah.
183. Sing in the shower: Rarely
184. Like school: It's ok sometimes
185. Want to get married: Yeah
186. Type with all of your fingers: yes
187. Think you're attractive: Not really.
188. Drink and drive: no
189. Snore: I ~~don't~~ think so
190. Sleep walk: no
191. Like watching sunrises and sunsets: sometimes

Section Eleven: Have you ever..
192. Flashed someone: No
193. Gotten so drunk til you threw up everywhere: No
194. Told that person how you felt: No
195. Been arrested: No
196. Gone to jail or juve: No
197. Skateboarded: Tried
198. Skinny dipped: No
199. Rock climbed: Yeah
200. Killed someone: No
201. Watched porn: No
202. Gone on a road trip: No
203. Went out of the country: yes
204. Talked back to an adult: uh, yeah
205. Broken a law: yes
206. Got pulled over: No
207. Tried killing yourself: No
208: Cried to get out of trouble: No
209. Let a friend cry on your shoulder: Not really
210. Kissed a brother's or sister's friend: No
211. Kissed a friend's brother or sister: No
212. Dropped something on the floor and let someone eat it anyways: Yeah
213. Moon someone: No
214. Shop-lifted: Yeah
215. Worked at Mc. Donald's: No
216. Eaten a dog: no..
217. Give money to a homeless person: Yeah
218. Glued your hand to yourself: Yes
219. Kissed someone of the same sex: No
220. Had a one night stand: No
221. Smoked: Yeah
222. Done drugs: No.
223. Lose a friend because of your ex: No
224. Slap someone for being stupid: My brother, not on the cheek though.
225. Had cyber sex: Haha. Sort of.
226. Wish you were the opposite sex: No
227. Caught someone doing something: Uh.. urm.. yeah sort of.
228. Played a game that removes clothing: No
229. Cried during a movie: Uh, no
230. Cried over someone: Yeah
231. Wanted to hook up with a friend: No
232. Hooked up with someone you barely met: No
233. Ran away from home: I tried once looong time ago.
234. Cheated on a test: yes

Section Twelve: Would you..
235. Bungee jump: No
236. Sky dive: Yes
237. Swim with dolphins: Yeah
238. Steal a friend's bf or gf: No
239. Try to be the opposite sex: No
240. Lie to the police: Depends.
241. Run from the police: No
242. Lie to your parents: Depends
243. Backstab a friend for your own well being: No
244. Be an exotic dancer: No
245. Fuck a donkey for $1,000,000: No

Section Thirteen: Are you..
246. Shy: Not really
247. Loud: I can be
248. Nice: I guess
249: Outgoing: Kind of
250: Quiet: If I want to be
251. Mean: I can be
252. Emotional: Sometimes
253. Sensitive: Sometimes
254. Gay: No
255. Strong: I dunno
256. Weak: Figure it out.
257. Caring: Can be
258. Dangerous: Hmm..
259. Crazy: Not really
260. Spotaneous: Sometimes
261. Funny: I dunno
262. Sweet: *shrugs*
263. Sharing: Yeah, depends on my mood though
264. Responsible: Yes
265. Trustworthy: Yes
266. Open-minded: Yes
267. Creative: I guess
268. Cute: um... No
269. Slick: No
270. Smart: I guess
271. Dumb: Sometimes
272. Evil: can be
273. Ghetto: No
274. Classy: Eh, nah
275. Photogenic: No
276. Dependable: Yeah
277. Greedy: Not really
278. Ugly: can be
279. Messy: sometimes
280. Neat: sometimes
281. Perverted: No not really
282. Silly: I can be
283. A Bitch: No
284. A Good Listener: Depends on who I am listening to
285. A Fighter: no
286. A Party Animal: No
287. A Game Freak: No
288. A Computer Freak: Yes

Section Fourteen: Future..
289. Dream job: Unsure
290. Dream house: Dunno
291. Husband/Wife: I want a husband
292. Kids: I dunno
293. Names: Dunno
294. Pets: Maybe one or two
295. Car: I don't know
296. Age you would want to get married: early to mid 20's
297. Best Man/Bride's Maid: Don't know
298. Honeymoon: Japan

Section Fifteen: Your friends..
299. Bestfriend(s): *sigh* Poeple
300. Known the longest: Don't know
301. Craziest: Dev
302. Loudest: Suzan
303. Shyest: Stephanie
304. Best hair: Dunno
305. Best eyes: Dunno
306. Best body: Hmm.. Ria..?
307. Most Atheletic: Don't know
308. Hot-Tempered: Dev
309. Most impatient: Dev
310. Shortest: Suzan
311. Tallest: Samantha
312. Skinniest: Pigar, youre as flat as ever
313. Best singer: Dunno
314. Funniest: Dunno
315. Can always make you laugh: Depends
316. Wish you talked to more: Ria, Farah, Dev, Sevda
317. Wish you saw more: ^ and Renata
318. Who drives you insane after a while: Dev
319. Who you can stay around forever and never get sick of: Urm...
320. Ever lose a friend because you took it to the 'next level': No
321. Whose always been there when you need them: I dunno
322. Who is like your family: I dunno
323. How many friends do you have? I dunno
324. How many are really close? Around two

Section Sixteen: The last..
325. Thing you ate: Chocolate
326. Thing you drank: Water
327. Thing you wore: Dark brown shirt, baggy pants
328. Thing you did: typed
329. Place you went: Bathroom
330. Thing you got pierced or tattooed: nothing
331. Person you saw: My mum
332. Person you hugged: Dunno
333. Person you kissed: No one
334. Person you fucked: ^
335. Person you talked to online: Forgot
336. Person you talked to on the phone: Brother's friend
337. Song you heard: Cat And Mouse - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
338. Show you saw: dunno
339. Time you fought with your parents: yesterday
340. Time you fought with a friend: I dunno.
341. Words you said: "okay"
342. Party you went to: none.

Section Seventeen: Now
343. What are you eating: Nothing.
344. What are you drinking: Nothing.
345. What are you thinking: this
346. What are you wearing: Dark brown shirt, baggy pants
347. What are you doing: this
348. Any shoes on: no
349. Hair: Dry and messy
350. Mood: As usual
351. Listening to: nothing
352. Talking to anyone: no
353. Watching anything: No

Section Eighteen: Yes or No
354. Are you a vegetarian: no
355. Are you a carnivore: uh.. not really
356. Are you heterosexual: Yes
357. Do you like penguins: Sure
358. Do you write poetry: I guess
359. Do you see stupid people: Sometimes
360. You + Me = Us: No
361. Do you like the Osbournes: No
362. Can you see flying pigs: No
363. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: sometimes
364. Are you from Afghanistan: No
365. Is Christina Aguilera ugly: Yes
366. Are you a zombie: No
367. Am i annoying you: No
368. Do you bite your nails: used to
369. Can you cross your eyes: No
370. Do you make your bed in the morning: usually
371. Have you touched someone's private part: No

Section Nineteen: This or That
372. Winter or Summer: winter
373. Spring or Fall: Fall
374. Shakira or Britney: Britney
375. MTV or VH1: meh
376. Black or White: black
377. Yellow or Pink: neither
378. Football or Basketball: Basketball
379. Cellphone or Pager: Cell
380. Pen or Pencil: Pen
381. Cold or Hot: cold
382. Tattooes or Piercings: piercings
383. Inside or Outside: depends
384. Weed or Alcohol: Neither
385. Coke or Pepsi: Coke
386. Tape or Glue: Tape
387. Mc. Donald`s or In-n-Out: In-N-Out??

Section Twenty: Opinions..
388. What do you think about classical music: it's alright
389. About boy bands: Who cares?
390. About suicide: Hard to say.
391. About people who try to force their opinions on you: I ignore them
392. About teen pregnancy: Bad
393. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: Dunno.
394. Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Dunno
395. About gay men: What about them?

Section Twenty-One: Random..
396. Do you have a website: Yeah
397. Current weather right now: Normal
398. Current time: 11:59 PM
399. Any shout outs: no
400. Last thoughts: bathroom..

~`JJe~ <33

2007-01-04T06:06:00.000-08:00

Egh. I might stop blogging. Yeah. Or maybe I just won't post as often.
I want new music. I want the new album. I want to have a collection of all the albums and DVDs I want. Then play them as loud as I want to when I feel like to.
Hardly Breathe by Hydroponkiz ft. Chester. Found a part of it on YouTube, and I wanted to whole song so that's what I've come up with. Just thought I'd post it up 'cause I find my blog a total snore. And to keep things up to date.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-31T17:50:00.000-08:00

First post in 2007..
HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!
Uh huh. Just thought I'd drop that by..

I didn't do anything. No fireworks or anything. Stayed at home and watched it on TV. Didn't have the mood and was staying out of the stinking and drunk crowds in City. Haah.
Here comes another year.. And I'm moving in less than 3 weeks. Not that I want to stay. But I don't want to go either. -- I just dropped a hair and it's dark brown. Stupid sun. That reminds me.. time for me to dye my hair dark violet soon.

Edit:
Okay. Obviously. This is a day behind. This is 1st of January 07. Not 31st of December 06.. Also, as you noticed I finally changed the layout. Abit messy and weird, but it looks fine. I want to upload previous skins I made to blogskins but my internet's too effing slow to even play songs. Argh. I hate this.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-30T05:37:00.000-08:00

Got myself a new mp4. Although I don't know how to charge the battries. I know, go ahead and laugh at me, but this mp4's pretty weird. I still like it though. 2GB, black, slim, thin.. After what felt like years I finally got it and got myself some nice shirts as well. Anyhow, you don't know how frustrating it was trying to find the mp4 I wanted.. Nearly all of them (that I'm interested in) are sold out.

I don't like sleeping much anymore. Well I do, but the weird and annoying dreams I'm having lately are irritating. Then I get up the next morning going all cranky and so unfresh. Always. When I'm not sleeping, everything's boring, pointless.. and so on and so forth.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-28T04:17:00.000-08:00

I feel like SUCH a fool.

So there I was again in some random (and gloomy) place in the City with Cyn and once again something weird happened. We were talking about robbery and all and I had my wallet in my hand. Then a random guy appeared from the back saying loudly "Excuse me, we need photos!" I was kinda scared and shocked. I thought the guy was about to ask me to give him my wallet. And being scared like that, of course I didn't hear what he said. So he replied my "Huh?" with.. "We need photos". Hearing the 'we', I turned around and saw another guy. If you were me, you'd think that they want us to take pictures of them.. - but no. The guy just slipped between me and Cyn and put his thumbs out whilst the other guy got his camera out. Then he paused and said loudly to Cyn "Smile! This is happy times!" - Or did he say 'fun' ? Meh, something like that. He stucked he thumbs out again and the other guy went "Smile!" and took a picture.. or two.. or three.. Then they ran off with one of them saying "Have a nice time in Sydney!"

I'm pretty sure both of us got the "WTF..?!" look in our faces. I was so curious why they did it (and still am) that I kept on asking the same thing over and over again. I couldn't get over it. So I convinced myself it was a dare and they chose us 'cause we looked harmless. Psh. But seriously.. they got our faces!! WTF?!

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-26T02:14:00.000-08:00

I changed one of the music. Slip Out The Back by Fort Minor. It's what you call real rap songs.. not sex bling bling whatever. Very nice IMO. I love Mike; Fort Minor and Linkin Park, awesomeness. Both group/band are awwwwssssoooommmeee. One talented musician.

"Slip Out The Back"

You know me, I used to get caught up in everyday life
Tried to make it through my day so I could sleep at night
Tried to figure out my way through the maze
Of rights and wrongs, but like you used to say
Nothing feels like it's really worth it
Forget perfect, I'm trying not to be worthless
Since I last saw you I been looking for a purpose
Well I met this kid who thought like I did
He had a weird way of looking at it
This is what he said

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I don't remember where I met him or remember his name
But he walked funny like he was just too big for his frame
Just over five foot but he weighed a buck fifty
And what he said just seemed so right it stuck with me
Listen its like poker you can play your best
But you got to know when to fold your cards and take a rest
And know when to hold your cards and hold your breath
And hope that nobody else is stacking the deck because
I don't need to tell you that life isn't fair, it doesn't care
It arbitrarily cuts off your air, and like you I want someone to say its OKAY
But in the truest parts of our hearts everybody's afraid
But just underappreciated and overwhelmed
Fighting so hard to hide our fear that were scaring ourselves
You understand when I'm saying that you always did
But its different in the words of a cowardly kid

Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared
Slip out the back before they know you were there
And at the worst you'll see nobody cares
Cos you don't wanna be around when it all goes down
Even heroes know when to be scared

I'm no hero, you remember how I was, you know
All I ever did was worry, feeling out of control
To the point where everything was going end over end
I'm spinning around in circles again
This is where you come in
All of this to explain to you why
I had to separate myself away from yesterday's life
Please remember this isn't how I hoped it would be
But I had to protect you from me
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
I know you felt unprepared
But every single time I was around I just bring you down
And I could tell that it was time to be scared
Thats why I slipped out the back before you knew I was there
And I know the way I left wasn't fair
I didn't want to be around just to bring you down
I'm not a hero but don't think I didn't care

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-24T22:48:00.000-08:00

I just had a horrible thought of ditching this blog. Although I'm kinda still thinking if I should since people (my parents included) are starting to stalk me these days and I seriously need some privacy. But then again, I don't dare to just click the 'delete' button or never to type stuff here again (I know I sounded like a dipstick right there). Anyway, this layout is depressing me for some reason and I want to change it. Haah, I know I'm weird.

There's so many boxes and cardboards in my room. I feel like throwing them away 'cause I don't like moving. Except for the fact I'd get my own new room. I'm throwing everything away - well most of them anyway. Tomorrow's Boxing Day and what I've been waiting for has come.. Shopping Spree! And NO, I DON'T like shopping and go around malls taking hours starring stuff and drooling and buying clothes and whatnot. But for a long time I've been wanting to have new wardrobe and wanting to buy all these stuff I need, but I've been told to wait again and again. Although I know that I'm gonna be disappointed. There'll be alot of arguments between me and my mum (not that there isn't already) and all these stupid things I don't want to face.

Anyhow.. I don't know what to say so I shall close this post, feeling hopeless. Tata.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-22T18:41:00.000-08:00

Nice. Gogo listen^^
And just to let you know, the date here is obviously behind like a day or so.
Anyway, I seriously need to update the music under the "listen". And I.. can not be bothered doing anything yet I have many things to do. Typical.. =_= Yup. I also need to figure out er.. an excuse to get my friend out of her house and go out with me and see me for the last time. Strict parents. Talking about parents, mine can't stop fighting to save their lives. Gah, whatever.
I love Linkin Park [/random]

*hums* I see the way you go and say you're right again, say you're right again heed my lecture... - Maybe I shall put it up, the other music are old already.

Edited:
Music is changed. They're now Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, The New Transmission by Lostprophets, High Voltage by Linkin Park and Wake Up by Three Days Grace. Not that you'd care to listen, but enjoy.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-21T02:36:00.000-08:00

I'm the sweetest monster. The unhappiest cheerful person. The most ignored and unrecogniceable noticeable person. I'm the dumbest smart person. The youngest looking 15-year-old-looking girl. Haha. Urm, what else? The unluckiest lucky girl. The thickest understanding person. The coldest sensitive person. I'm the most unique typical girl. The best bad liar. The most unpredictable simple girl. The hardest known-able person. I'm the most untalented talented girl. The most unwanted wanted person.. - Am I making any sense here?

That was just a complete boredom. Blakh, how random. And of course add up 'the most unrandom random person' ..I'm scaring myself o.0

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-17T20:58:00.000-08:00

I didn't win.. so what? Mhm, I am disappointed and I swear that I made a face when they announced who won. Although I knew from the beginning there's no way I could win, but I was still expecting to win. Stu. I'm pathetic I know. At least I recieved 2 awards and another 4 the other day at my year's assembly. And yes, I will ask my parents for money or any other precious things I want.. not what I need. I had enough of being pushed to do something really good, and when I reached the top, I gain nothing. Well nothing more than people being proud of me and heaps of smile from idiots. - Oh wait, and certificates.. yeah.

Visual art was boring at the beginning. Me and my other friends who were there were about to jig, but then a friend said she's kinda scared of jigging especially in uniforms 'cos we'll get in deep shit later on. So we didn't and hung around outside the bulding instead. Got told off and were forced to help a teacher to throw some stuff out. The stuff were too heavy and it's gonna take forever if we go back and forward around the school bringing one by one. We saw 2 trollies and took it and it sure was way easier. It kinda distracted us though, 'cos it was kinda fun going on the trolly and being pushed around. Kinda rough at the same time; I got two scars going down my lap since I was wearing my dress and another one across my hand.

There's more through the day, but I won't bother mentioning them all. I missed the so-called-boring-party that's for sure. After all it was tiring, and for some unknown reason I don't feel proud or happy of myself and stuff. I've become so nuuummbb and I am tiirreedd and I have nothing else to show.. Toodles.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-15T01:23:00.000-08:00

I want the hundred bucks. I want a hundred bucks. I need a hundred bucks.
Surprisingly, I was nominated for one of the best & outstanding student in my year. Ha! to that. If I win, I'll get a certificate and $100. Wish me luck, I want the money. Doubt it I'm gonna win, but still. I have this class Christmas Party next Monday at English and Tuesday possibly at Food Tech. I don't celebrate Christmas, but the foods are worth it. Lollies and drinks and chips, better than going to the canteen.. Next week'll be my last week at school in Australia ever. I'll try to enjoy it whilst I can I guess. Might as well bring camera.

Edited:
Okay. I'm a tiny bit surprised, but I knew it there was something wrong with this guy I know. The news were spread all around. You might heard of this already, but a 13 year old guy was charged for attempted murder. He spilt fuel on this little kid and lit him on fire. The little kid is now 25% burnt and the guy who tried to kill him is I bet gonna go for juvenile detention for heck of a long time. He was in my class last time and he used to be in my primary school. I don't watch TV that much so I missed it, but luckily thanks to my friend who told me about it, now I know. Thank god I didn't miss it! Apparently, his neighbour comitted suicide and it drove him crazy. Whoo. Something intreresting finally!

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-13T01:30:00.001-08:00

I am a monster. A mad mad monster. Leave me in peace if you want to be spared.
I do stupid and foolish things that I always regret. I am hopeless and worthless and I'm mad at myself, that's why I'm angry.
I am a confused monster. A monster with no heart. An abnormal monster.
Go away. Don't ever get close to me 'cos I swear you'll regret it. Leave me alone, you'd be doing yourself a favour.
GHHHAAAAHHHGGGRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-11T04:56:00.000-08:00

Homework for me. Late, VERY late indeed. Blame my shoutbox, there's something wrong with it. I'm changing it soon. Goodbye old posts. Anyways, here we go. This one's from gHina.

**NINE last things you did**
1. last place you were: Home
2. last cigarette: Months ago at the city with Dev. I was just trying, curiousity.
3. last meal: Urm.. rice with this chicken thing.
4. last movie watched: Guess Who
5. last Phone call: Forgot
6. last cd played: those MP3 mixed I downloaded
7. last BUBBLE bath: long time ago
8. last time you cried: Forgot, and not telling.
9. last alcohol drink: oh, that night I think, the cocktail in Fujiya with Dev and Cyn.

**EIGHT have you evers**
1. have you ever dated someone twice: no
2. have you ever been cheated on: no
3. have you ever kissed someone: duh.
4. have you ever kissed someone you regret: hm dunno.
5. have you ever fallen in love: yeah. Linkin Park is my true love and music.
6. have you ever lost someone: yeh
7. have you ever been depressed: yeah
8. have you ever eat a life animal: i think..

**SEVEN branded things**
1. shoes: Converse. and my current platform shoes, forgot what it's called.
2. bags: Billabong and those random ones
3. shirt: JayJays, the others I don't even know.
4. make up: Body Shop, and my eye liner which I don't know what, and Impulse for deo.
5. jeans: second hand jeans?
6. coffee: Latte, Frapuccino, Capuccino, bla bla. Starbucks' nice.
7. glasses: Don't wear any.

**SIX things you did in the past four days**
1. Sleep
2. Eat
3. Walk
4. Talk
5. Throw things around
6. Fight with my brothers

**FIVE things on your mind right now**
1. SLEEP! gah.
2. Oh shit, shit, noooo... I need to do drama assign
3. Surprise surprise, I'm one of the top student of the year, doesn't matter, I'm moving anyway.
4. This
5. Linkin Park ehheh.

**FOUR people you can tell pretty much ANYTHING to**
1. Devita
2. Ria
3. Farah
4. Me

**THREE favorite colors**
1. Black
2. Fluoro Green
3. Violet

**TWO things you want to do before you die**
1.Change.
2.Everything that's possible, that is EVERYTHING

**ONE goal for this year**
1. Survive, grow taller, change, join LPU

Mau dilempar ke:
Anyone, whoever I don't care. I need to go off do works and sleep.

[random] Mike is a cutie, Chaz is so sweet, Rob is adorable, the other two's indescribeable. [/random] <(had to do that to cheer up and survive for another assign)
Done. Tata.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-11T00:07:00.000-08:00

There.. up the new layout goes. Kept it simple, 'cause I couldn't be bothered doing anything fancy to it. It's more down-to-earth and all. Not to mention still weird. Just temporarily, I think I'll change it again soon, I want something more original and unique. Meanwhile, enjoy this one since I'm busy at the moment. Aww, goodbye Linkin Park layout, I loved that one :( Don't like this one that much. Owell.
I found myself day-dreaming awhile ago. I shall stop.

Screw you, screw you all, screw everything. Go away. Gahh.
..I think I'm gonna take back those words soon. But yeah, argh. Mmhhmm.... Bye.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-10T04:50:00.000-08:00

I'm half way done making the new layout since I find people thinks that I'm kinda obsessed over Linkin Park for using this layout, which is abit silly. I'm not up to that level of obsession.. yet. Nah though, I don't think I'm that obsessed, I just like them very much because they're my heroes and life savers. And plus I don't.. - well, there's nothing left interesting to talk about online other than them since I don't really like to get into deep and very personal stuff. Okay, maybe I do talk about a little bit of it, but I'm not those people who uses those emo phrases about how they feel and those kinds of shit. I'm not good with those and I just don't like telling them, not that anyone would care. Plus I'm not good with words so no matter how hard I'm trying to say how I feel it'd ended up all fucked up and everyone'll think I'm a weirdo who can't communicate properly, ha! True though.

Anyhows, there's 3 lines of Breaking The Habit's lyrics in the layout. And I'll finish it up tomorrow since it's late now. I kinda got a little inspired by - well the song and the movie 'The Virgin Suicides' Yeah well, I know it has nothing to do with the song, but I watched it yesterday night, and I like this girl's shot so I cropped it and put it on, heh. Kinda a gloomy movie.. scary, 5 sisters all committed suicide 'cause of their too strict parents and being jailed up inside their house. I could imagine.. 'must be really really really hard, but I'd rather run away than killing yourself. Especially how you can't do anything and can't listen to your favourite music and have to burn them down and blah blah, just like a jail but worse.

Anyhows, I'm so freaken sick and tired of everything. Enough said.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-08T02:58:00.000-08:00

Ever feel like no matter what you do, youre in the middle of all the crap, grief, and stress - as if trouble just always finds you?

..That was random. But I've been listening to Breaking The Habit, and I just thought.. well, no wonder it was quite popular 'cause alot of people can actually relate to it. It does kind of get over-played though. What more can I say, the song kinda relates to me sometimes too.. well lately, yes.

Aowiee, I'm so tired and hungry.. That rhymes..

Edited:
This is awesome. Check it out.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-05T21:23:00.000-08:00

Oh.Mygod! Ahh!! *sigh* I can't wait any longer! ..No seriously, I really want to hear their new stuff in the new album. Especially how LPU6's launched. The video got me crazy just then. I want to join real bad, but my parents are probably one of those parents who goes.. "Ah. Don't waste your money. We're not gonna pay you for some stupid fan club stuff. Don't be too obessessed about them. You'll grow over them soon enough" and so on and so forth. Annoying, very. I have to find a good reason why they should pay for me to join it. Maybe I shall say.. "But they're the ones who makes me truly happy.. :("

I know.. it's been quite awhile after the last 'real' post I posted. So I think I shall post one now whilst I'm on the mood. So far I should say that it's been a tough week although it's still Wednesday. Okay, so I have many things to do as usual, but everything's going pretty rough lately. I slept at like 2.30 am on Monday (or I can say Tuesday) and woke up early to print my assignment, but still ended up a little late to school. After school, well it was hard enough to brought all the table settings for DT to school in such a rush, but coming back to school and busting so badly to go to the toilet plus a tummy ache was even worse. Instead of getting a rest, I did some other stuff and ended up sleeping nearly at 1 am. And now.. something that I've been hoping wouldn't come had come (other than LP breaking up) I lost my locker. Actually no, it's not my locker I borrowed someone's without his permission. But he never uses it, so I used it. When I came back from sport, I was looking through all the lockers trying to spot my blue padlock, but I couldn't find it. So I panicked, and realised a note in my locker "Get out of my locker by Friday or I'll chuck all these out" Well thanks to the dark brown bag I left in there, I could fit all my things and brought them back home.

Enjoy ending this post with the LPU6 vid. It's cool.. I'm kinda slowly having the idea of their new sound that they're gonna launch. Once again, can't wait.

LINKIN PARK UNDERGROUND 6

~`JJe~ <33

2006-12-01T21:53:00.000-08:00

This was meant to be posted yesterday;

Happy Birthday Brad Delson!!!

Heh. I miss Linkin Park :( *is in a shitty mood*
~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-27T21:12:00.000-08:00

I am now full of scars. Yesterday when I was rushing to go to school, I droppped my socks by the door, I bent down, picked it up and got back up with a huge wound accross my leg from the sharp thing (which I don't know what) sticking out of my bag. And that is the reason why I was wearing my pants today in this hot weather. Then today.. I was in the toilet, looking through something in a shelf -or whatever you call it.. then some stupid idiot didn't close that thing you use for shaving.. yeah they didn't put the lid back on. That's when it came accross my thumb and ripped a small part of my skin. The blood wouldn't stop dripping, it was way worse than the 'slicing tomato wound'.. Ahh.. T_T''

Today's music test was freaking sad. I got 9.5 out of 10! I know it's not a bad mark, not at all.. but I'm really not happy with the result and my performance. I did so way much better when practising. Other then that, well that was one of the reason that kinda turned me off, not that I wasn't already, but I feel hopeless, worthless, useless and any other 'less' word you can think of.

Edit:
I'm editting instead of creating a new one 'cos I'm just here to say that I've changed the songs. Check them out.

Toodles.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-25T18:12:00.000-08:00

I need a new hairstyle. I want hers :( Hayley Williams from Paramore. I love the hair, although I don't want the colour but I like the style and how straight it is. Very lucky girl she is, 17 and already in an awesome band. I like their song Pressure and Emergency.

Anyways, I have Maths yearly exam tomorrow. Gahhh.. I hate the end of the year!! You have so many assigns and tests yet you can't be bothered. Especially knowing that you'll be moving in 2 and a half months. Fark, we haven't even started packing and shipping T_T *sigh*
One more thing, I really want to change my layout..

Edited:
Oh god, I feel so bad. When I thought I'm gonna be all screwed up for the rest of my life and there are no doors that are opening.. something happened. But then again, something just HAS to ruin it.. now I feel bad, really. It's rare for me to have a chance like that, but then knowing I can't take the chance is even worse. Knowing that I could finally get a life but I have to move is even worse.. I could've at least make a way closer to my dream and goal. But then again.. I'd probably ruin it as I always do if I got to take it anyway..

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-24T01:52:00.000-08:00

I'm tired, very. But it's still not over yet. And I have a long long way to go. Plus I just heard that we're actually doing advanced stuff that we're meant to do in either a year or two. Can't complain though, Indonesia is still harder. But I seriously rather do tests and exams than huge assigns. I cut myself when I was slicing the tomatoes. So deep that the blood wouldn't stop dripping. And when I brush my hair or touch it, I can feel a hair or two going in and through the wound. It was quite a success though.
And here's one assign coming again; Drama. Exciting. At least I'm busy.
Although I just slept, I still feel heck tired...

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-22T21:50:00.000-08:00

No. Blogging doesn't seem to grab my interest anymore. But no. I'm not closing this blog.. yet.
I've been wanting to make new skins and make a new one for this blog as well. But since I'm no longer using my computer since it is now completely stuffed, I have to download all the brushes and such again, so I can't be bothered. Next week's the big day for Food Tech. T_T Wish me and my cooking skills luck.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-18T03:54:00.000-08:00

I don't know wether to be thankful or not, but I kinda feel unlucky and lucky at the same time. Just thought I wouldn't ever have enough since I always think the negatives and wants more and more. Owells.

Anyways, today's not that boring. I was late meeting pig and pash at Kingsford to go to the city. We didn't do anything really, just walk and hang around doing nothing. Then we met up with my brother at kingsford and tried to find a place to eat. Ended up going to that Thai restaurant in Randwick. Then eeda came along. And my big brother kinda left me going home alone late at night and yeah well, the rest took me home instead. How nice. We took pictures, funny and weird ones.
I just noticed how I'm gonna miss them when I go back to Indo. Seriously, it was our last one to go together like that. I mean sure, there'll be MTC Reunion, but you know.. it's different. Aww.. see, when everything's fitting in back together, something just have to ruin it. As always, I never get to actually enjoy things. Even at school and stuff.

Stupid Numb video. I was getting 'Whoo!'-ey of Lostprophets and got bored of them. And went kinda 'God i love them so much!' of Three Days Grace. But then I saw the Numb video and it pulled me back to Linkin Park like a magnet. I guess I have a really soft spot for them.

*sigh*
~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-16T02:49:00.000-08:00

Heh, I randomly listened to this song. And I thought it was so true. It's called "I Don't Know". Listen to it, it's the first song under the list "Listen". The song is by the band Lostprophets. Quick, check it out. It just kinda strucked me when I realised what he was talking about, it's gahh.. so true!

Today they asked me, "why do you always seem to fight?"
But though I could not answer I'd have lost my way
And I could tell that this ain't right
The morning sunrise seemed to ask me why I tried
To find the strength in people who had never thought about a different way of life
It just doesn't seem that easy

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

But the storms I've weathered, you know they don't seem to be as bad
If you think there's hope from here and there's a life you should now have
I don't have answers and no questions spring to mind
So here I've ended up now, there's no more signs and the roads are blocked
All night...
It just doesn't seem that easy

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

(I see no reason to move on)

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

So much for history assign today. Not worth it, egh. And now I'm off to do my DT assign. Toodles.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-15T05:10:00.000-08:00

So there's clearly something wrong with me. I finished the castle sclupture today and made the speech and all the infos bla bla those shits. I left early with Sevda, at lunch. Then somehow we ended up going to Easy Way first and drop off at Kare Bear and THEN go to my house. But it took us just so long to walk back home. Not to mention all those time we wasted on the way, laughing our asses off like idiots. So we were furstrated and decided that it was a mistake to go out before we actually finished the whole project. We got heaps to do. That's when my mood went off and then our brain got smarter, heh. I painted all (well most of them anyways) the castle and she did the speech with me helping her telling her what to write. Done, then I was covered in paint; blue, green, brown, black. Blame the castle, paint and brushes. I thought I'd never see my skin colour again, especially when it was oil paint.

Is it just me or these days it seems like people are starring at me and it feels like there's someone watching and following me around? I feel insecure. Really. And I'm very unfocused lately, gah. Gotta go off now.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-13T03:41:00.000-08:00

Such a sucker. Should've known how clumsy I've become o_0
I've got nothing to rant about yet I felt like blogging. Gahh.. *sigh* Hmm...
2 big assignments to due this week. Not even near finishing. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm hungry and I feel like eating for the first in a long time. I kinda got off mood of eating lately. My brother's watching a weird/lame movie. *yawn* Tired of looking at the monitor. Going off I am.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-12T03:45:00.000-08:00

So last night wasn't the best night I could've got. I have come to the point where everything is so confusing and I just don't care anymore. Really. It seems like everyone around me is completely blind and everything is shutting down. And I swear to god I've been feeling numb as ever.
I also figured out my parents had sex last night when they thought everyone was asleep. I wasn't, obviously. It kinda freaked me out and it made me feel just worse. I figured out when I was looking through my bag for.. something. When I heard them, I just stopped, opened the window a little and get into bed, turning on music with my CD player and earphones on with full volume, letting the loud and hard music blasting through my ears until I go deaf. For the first time, I really felt like blowing up. I fell asleep eventually anyway, and woke up feeling nothing again.

~`JJe~ <33

PS. I changed 2 of the songs. So now you've got Somewhere I belong and Crawling by Linkin Park and Drown by Three Days Grace. Check them out. Thanks.

2006-11-08T22:15:00.000-08:00

I can't feel anything without music. Nothing, none, blank. No matter what people say, it seems like my heart is blocked by thousands of walls that you can't break. I can't express myself without music. So yes, no music, no life.
But really, I've been putting things on the backof my head and ignoring them, even assigns and school works. Everything comes around so eventually, it comes back.. and then I throw it away again but then again, it comes around and comes back to me. Yeah, if no one's actually here right now, I'd be screaming =] I'm just desperate, desperate of something to happen, desperate to change and to stop being easily jealous and just stop with these craziness I've been thinking. I'm desperate from all the assigns and tests to just fucking STOP and give me a break. But then what am I gonna be in Indo? Will I fail 'cause of my laziness? Surely, I don't think I'll do good though. Ha! I'm so pathetic T_T Newyas, I've been not wanting to go home from school, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to be seen that I actually don't know what I want.
Weeeee, I hope things will be better when I move to Indo. I wonder..

Rawr rawr rawr rawr. I just thought it's actually better to have no one there for you rather than having people who says they're there for me when they're actually can't help and is on the way, no offence people.

Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently
This part of me won’t go away, part of me won’t go away
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone aught to be
Every time I see myself I see there’s always something wrong with me - Part Of Me by Linkin Park

Thanks. Toodles.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-06T02:44:00.000-08:00

Sue me, I'm meant to be doing assigns, but hey, a new layout. I honestly prefer this one than the last one. Simple and is filled with purple stripes. The other one's just.. it represents how fucked I was ..and am. I learnt more codings and that's why decided to just use some different codes that's still simple and looks basic, but is still nice. Yes, it's the one and only awesome Linkin Park. Finally, I made an LP skin. I've been wanting to make one since weeks ago, but I just couldn't do it it's either too muscular, girly, not my type and just doesn't fit. I know they don't suit purple/violet, but I didn't know any other that is still okay with LP, me and yet doesn't look too muscular. I want it so that it's not very girly, but not too muscular as if I'm a guy. I want it to just fit, but you still can tell that a girl made this. yeah.

And well, I just like making skins these days 'cause I know I've been improving quite abit since the first time I make skins. And also, I figured out how to decorate the blockquote thing.

Lookie.. This is the how it looks like if I blockquote writings. Simple eh? Yeah, I know I'm pathetic that I just figured out how to do this couple of days ago, owell.

I know I said I'm busy, I am. But last night I had a spare time so I made the picture and I thought I just had to put the skin on. So that's just why I'm here. Like the layout?
~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-04T17:43:00.000-08:00

Err.. let me just post a quite long one for this once. From next week on, I doubt that I would post as often, my exams are coming up and I'm having loadshit of big assigns. And then after that I have to start packing for going back to Indo and shipping them and start doing the MTC project thing for writing an article for Indonesian's newspaper. So today, I'm trying to enjoy my day relaxing & having nothing to do.. until my mum comes home and tells me to take a shower and go to Eastgardens with her -_-'

So.. it's 2 and a half months until I come back to Indonesia. Excited? Er.. not really. Happy? A tiiny bit. Worried? Not really. How do I feel? ..As usual. The only thing I'm looking forward to go back to Indo is to have my own privacy. At last I can have my own tiny room on the corner where no one can dsiturb me. Also, I'm looking forward to buy new things, clothes, wardrobe and such. And to meet Ria and Devita.. and also to start things over again and hopefully to have a more interesting and better life, not a dull one. Okay.. so maybe I am looking forward to it, but I sure will miss Australia alot. All the big changes and big things that happened to me are in Australia, but then since loads of things happened here, there's nothing else to happen. Does that even make sense? But again, the chances are probably slim and yeah.

Yesterday was the MTC trip to Auburn and to have the interview with at least with 2 people or so. But we didn't get to interview and instead we took pictures only. The mosque was really pretty and huge. It was probably the most interesting one. And again, it was funny and filled with laughter.
Anyways, make sure to check out the previous skin I made (it's mentioned at the previous post) and I'll come back later.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-03T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in a real rush. So here's what I wanted to say, ~~I might not post for a couple of days, or maybe weeks, I don't know. Losing interest in blogging, but~~ I'll be making more skins, heh. I made another one. Check it out here. Okies, toodles. *runs to the bathroom*

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-03T04:39:00.000-08:00

Okay.. so my computer got better and I decided that I can use it again ..except for playing music, the speaker is broken and stuff. So it's still stuffed, but I still can blog and make skins and go online sometimes. I'm desperate to listen to my music right now, but gahh it's not working T_T

Anyhow, I made a random skin with a softer background; grey. Lawl, so it's not that soft, but it's not like pitch black or really dark or bright colours I usually use. There's bright green, but it goes softer with the background. Check it out, download, comment and rate here. I was bored as you see and I was trying something slightly different. Overall, my skins are always weird and sometimes I find myself disgusted with them, heh. I'm bored with this one already and I'm sure that pretty soon I'll be desperate to change it.

That's it. I won't complain much this time.. EXCEPT.. that the fact dumb people who advertise by using pop-ups and such should die. And I would shot those who invented viruses if I could. Enough said. I'm going to sleep.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-11-01T03:13:00.000-08:00

Right. I'm just here to inform that the end of using my beloved pc has come. It's totally fucked up and right now I'm using my brother's. All I can do with that pc is just keep it on for music and that's it. I don't care though, I'm getting busier anyway and I can at last spend my time for something else rather than bumming around the internet. So for the moment, I'll be using my brother's until probably I can beg my parents to use my mum's old laptop.

Today I have gone crazy.. once again. And I also lost my favourite and the one and only Unfuck The World pin. I shall find another one.. wherever that is. Gosh, I've lost alot of things these days.. but then again, I don't find any point of craving it so I just let them go =/ Everything comes around so I'll probably get something else for a change in the end anyway. Enough blogging, I shall start on my assignments.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-10-29T19:19:00.000-08:00

Hmm.. yes, a new layout. A new style and is a little fucked up, but I got super bored of the previous one, and it looked shitty anyway. The picture itself took me 2 hours since I had no inspiration at all and I just starred at it for 10 minutes or so with a blank and the writings "Lost In Words". So.. I decided to worked on a new skin since I had nothing else better to do and I'm pretty bored at home doing nothing.. - *gasp* I know! I'm at home ;] There's Gala Day today and I forgot to pay the fees and stuff and I have no team and personally, I'm not interested at all, so luckily I can stay at home away from those weird people at school. Anyway, if you find one of the writings align thingies (I dont know what to call it and I won't bother finding out) goes to the top, simply refresh it, 'cause it's not meant to be like that. If it's still like that, blame your weird pc.

Finally alone.. at last! What would be perfect is if I took a shower already, 'cause I feel totally unhygenic. Anyhow, I feel numb, really. Weird huh? And I'm on the point where Three Days Grace rocks my socks! ..yeah, I'm in love with their new album and I can't wait for Linkin Park's new album next year. You should listen to their song called Pain, it's nice it kind of relates to LP's song Numb, but yeah, it's true and straightforward.

I'll keep busy myself today with music on 24 hours. I'm desperate to move as in house and location and school.. ..and eat mochi.. - that's it I'm going out today or else I'd get crazy again.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-10-27T03:30:00.000-07:00

*gasp* Omfgsh! I survived today! Surprising eh? ;]
I feel jealous. Jealous of other people's life. Really, I am. I'm jealous of how many friends they can make and how they can stay at one place without moving around alot and just stay with their friends and life. I'm jealous of how special and lucky they are. I'm thankful enough of myself and life, but still.. I'm jealous.

Pft, I hate that 'jealous' word.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-10-26T06:57:00.000-07:00

If I can do anything tonight, I'd either.. come back to the past, skip everything and go to the future and look for something better to happen, or sleep for the whole day tomorrow without noticing.
I'm not gonna be able to pass tomorrow, seriously. I'm so sick of school and all the situation there and it's too boring. I've learnt most of them years ago therefore I'm only revising and it annoys me so. I act weird at school and I just can't act normally. Outside school, I don't seem to have much life either. I don't know what to do these days and I've been feeling like a complete loser lately which is just.. pft. I've also been a little bit ignored (or maybe its just me who feels this way) and I get pissed off and down easily, which I don't usually show. Whyy am I soo pathetic? T_T

~`JJe~ <33

2006-10-25T06:30:00.000-07:00

I have never ever thought how LP's music means so much to me before. Not that I don't listen to any other music, of course I do, I like Three Days grace, because their music sounds.. like.. tough yet true and it doesn't sounds soft, it sounds convincing.. and of course their lyrics. AFI has music that you just can't get enough of and keep on hearing it over and over again, not to mention how much work they put on to the band. And I like other bands that I cbf to mention em here. I just feel like putting this song on, it's nice, all the lyrics and awesome drums. And the main thing that the song's talking about is true.

Just thought I had to get that out. Thanks.
~`JJe~ <33

2006-10-24T04:13:00.000-07:00

I don't seem to care much about blogging anymore. There's just so much to show, but so little I want to share. All my writing skills that used to interest people are gone as well now. Then I wonder.. What the heck am I supposed to say that doesn't sound cheezy, but still is honest? Lyrics are nice, but then again, I don't want to write each lyrics each time I feel something different. That's redicilous.. --And the stupid door always distracts me by moving every so often when I'm thinking. I shall close it properly *closes door* Egh, now the window! T_T

Anyhow, things are doing so normal, yet I don't feel normal. What excites me even more is that my msn and computer is definitely and completely fucked. And for some stupid and annoying reason, I can't use Mozilla Firefox and so now I'm using Internet Explorer until I figure out and make my computer back to normal.. whenever that is. And eh! I made a piczo. I seriously don't know why I even bothered, pft. You might want to look at it, but then again it's always dull. Just click here to go there. It's not finished yet just so you know.

I have been having trouble of communicating with others lately, and it makes me look like a complete fool and loser. I'm also pretty desperate to write down all the things that have been bottled up inside, but something weird is going on and I shall go.

Edited:
Oh, how could I forget?! Happy Eid everyone!! No more fasting, whoo. And forgive all the things I've done wrong and stuff.. yeah. Thanks.

~'JJe~ <33

2006-10-21T05:14:00.000-07:00

It feels like I'm floating =/
I definitely need to get a life

~JJe'~ ♥

2006-10-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm on the mood where I really don't feel like seeing faces and other people. I'm also on the mood where I feel retarded and low and disconfident and feel like trashing the mirror if I look into it. I don't know why =/ I met Saskia today, she came from Indo for a couple of weeks. Nothing interesting actually happened. I missed her, but now that I've seen her it's just.. meh. (no offence) Well I wasn't that close to her anyway.

And what upsets me more is that all those hard works and time that took to bring LP to the top 5 of Favourite Music Band With Label was all pointless now and it's all completely gone. Sad huh? I'm not sure what happened, but I think one of the stupid moderator/administrator disqualified them 'cause they thought we cheated.. FOOL! Just 'cause we were moving in a fast pace and were catching up does NOT mean we cheated. Now that I figured out the stupid MyProfile Rockin Award is not organised properly, I don't care anymore. Not that I don't want to support LP, but the whole award thing is just shit. I've been so stupid all along.. T_T And besides, we only can win in ONE I repeat only ONE category. So I shall stop voting 'cause it's pretty much pointless and even though LP loses, we still know that they have the most favourite music band with label. It's just a fucking internet award thing.. not like it's a huge award. pft.

Things are so unlike me lately and oh lookie I'm sleepy already..! *yawns*
~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-16T22:58:00.000-07:00

Just thought I might post to get some stuff out.
One.. How the heck did Hinder got 11869 votes when they weren't even on the top 5 yesterday?!?! I think they cheated. I mean seriously.. it's almost impossible. It took us so long to bring LP to the top 5! and now LP's #4 and yesterday they were #3. But I'm sure we'll catch up again. We will. We have to. Even though we're first on the Video/Short Film.. but still. I really really want them to win on the Favourite Music Band With Label.

Second.. I feel like punching people on the face and throw this computer of mine around, 'cause I hate it with passion.. right.. but I love it at the same time.. T_T
And then I realised things are going well and yet I know that they'll all soon falls apart again. I know 'cause it always happens and I got used to it already even though sometimes I got annoyed. And ZOMG! I cooked brownies and it ended up nice. Hehe. It looked nice too.. well not really, but I made it looked nice anyway (by flipping the bad side to the bottom and added sugar icing) The brownies made me believe I can cook real good donuts this time.. so I shall try, it's not often that I feel like this. I feel normal. But then again, nothing seems to excite me anymore except for Linkin Park! *squeals hearing the name* =P

~`JJe~ <33

2006-10-13T04:50:00.000-07:00

I'm surprised of how many people actually remembered and said "Happy Birthday" to me. Though the people that are close to me doesn't seem to care much and just can't be fucked to at least send me a message on messenger or something and drop a 'hello happy birthday'. Nice isn't it? I don't seem to get any present either (lol) owell. And anyway, no! I'm not gonna mention how old I am now. Why don't you use your imagination instead huh?

Well besides that^, I noticed that voting for LP is getting damn tough, but I'd still be voting even if I'm the only one (which I highly doubt that's gonna happen) they're on the #15 position. Whoo! 15 more bands to beat! Go people! Vote like crazy!! *actually worried inside*

Edited:
Whoa. It hurts how someone give you 'another chance' for your birthday present. I mean wtf? did I even ask for one? -_-'' And those words that come out of your friken mouth are so damn sharp. And I'm that nice to ignore them and keep doing what I was doing. But again.. MEH. --I've been having trouble of communicationg lately.. *sigh* 'kay, Thanks =]

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

mmOkay.. I just need to tell everyone a very very very important thing.. especially for those Linkin Park fans out there.. like me. Anyway, here's what I wanted to say..

VOTE FOR LINKIN PARK ON MYSPACE HERE!!!

Vote people! They HAVE to win!! You don't have to be a member on myspace. You can vote every hour. So after one hour.. VOTE AGAIN! They're position is the #26 at the moment and heck they deserve to be in a higher place! So yeah.. vote! go!!

Edited:

I thought this blog of mine is totally gone and over because of some stupid hackers. No, really, I really did thought so. Cos the last time I came here it was all fucked up. Just then I came back just to see and boom! it came back to normal. Very glad I am.. *smooch the monitor* LP goes to the #24 now. This morning they came #32, but they're still far away from the first one so I'll be voting as many times as I can for the rest of the month. They're the only thing that makes me go all excited and happy. I'm serious. And I said the oath to join Linkin Park Army, which means I'm one of them now.

I [mjm] do solemly swear that I will support Linkin Park and defend the asses of Chester Charles Bennington, Michael Kenji Shinoda, Joesph Hahn, Bradford Philip Delson, Robert Gregory Bourdon and David Michael Farrell (aka: Phoenix) against all enemies, foreign and domestic; that I will bear true faith and allegance to the same, and that I will obey the orders of Officers appointed over me, in accordance to regulations. So help me God.

So yeah =] And when I can be bothered I'm going to gather points and try to be a Street Soilder. Yes, I love them that much (stfu). *sigh* My butt's killing me.. *votes again*

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-11T06:39:00.000-07:00

I've changed the layout. It looks somehow the same except for the picture and colours and those small things. Like it though? I changed the music also. I decided to put songs that appeals to me the most. It still got Animal I have Become by Three Days Grace. I added Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park and Who I am Hates Who I've Been by Relient K. Go check them out.

Anyway, I went through my own Archieve (again) and again I've realised how much I've changed these past years. I.. have changed alot.. and I mean ALOT. It's like the person I am now and the person I was last year and two years ago is two different people. I'm actually surprised of how much I've changed, and I don't know if it's actually a good thing or not. But to be quite honest, I am more full of shit now, but in certain ways, I'm more mature even though I made more mistakes these days and I'm more open minded.. really. But I miss those times and I miss Ria terribly T_T And I also realised that these days I 'clicked' more with older people o_0 No, I mean seriously.. I don't know, maybe it's 'cause my friends in my school, like the ones that are my age relies to me alot and abit too much and they just can't stop asking questions and help and yet they can't actually help or even understand me that much. Not that I don't like helping them, but it annoys me sometimes.. no offence. Anyhow, I don't care and I don't expect them to help nor understand me anyway =]

After writing that^ much,, I realised that.. I don't even know what I really want and I confused myself sometimes -_-'' --I want to keep myslef busy, that's what I want. *starts finding homeworks*

~`JJe~ ♥

PS: I'm so straight foward in this post I know.

2006-10-09T21:27:00.000-07:00

I can't be bothered posting no more. Anyhow, I'll still post some stuff, but just won't be as often. First of all, check my account on blogksin. I made 2 skins.. so comment, download and rate HERE.

Yesterday I..
stayed at home, made a skin and stared at my monitor all day. I also tried to make a donut with my big brother which ended up.. bitter because of too much nutmeg and baking soda. From that, I've realised that I totally suck at cooking T_T At least it ended up looking like donuts. But from the first bite though.. it tastes quite nice and you'd be thinking "it's not that bitter.." Second bite.. it gets more bitter. Third bite.. it gets very bitter. Fourth.. you'd be spitting it out. *sigh* I wonder how my Food Tech. assignment will end up..

Two days ago I..
went to the city with Cyn. I made love/kiss/hug with a pole and recorded it for a $5 note, which I wasted on food in Fujiya for dinner that night. I will be putting the video of me making love to a pole later.. I think. I also tried to kiss a statue, but ended up bumping my cheeks into it. I kissed a tree also. Yes, I'm weird like that --Nah, it's just that I'm er.. DARING! yes, that's the word.

At least I'm not as weird as the old weird grandpa who sneaked in between me and Cyn when we were walking down the road. The old grandpa was also happen to be a er.. what was it again? ..Foot fetish. The first thing he said was.. "Hey, you have big feet. Does your boyfriend cuddle them?" (or something along those lines) to Cyn. I backed off, not wanting to be another target of a weird random person again since I once was a target of an Indian lady who thinks I'm in Uni. But anyhow, after talking to Cyn for quite a time, the old grandpa ended up talking to me anyway. And he said something like.. "How about you? What would you do huh?" My answer: "Uh.. Stuff..? o_0" Then he said.. "Would you accept him and let him go down and lick them?" I freaked out that time and again my answer was "Uh.. no..? o_0" His last words I still remember was "Well that's how you live in Australia eh?" Then he walked away. It was funny though, I couldn't help but laugh.

Another weird thing is that last night I dreamt of going to a mental hospital -_-' And people thought I was kind of insane or something. Nigthmare. That's about it though.

Edited:
New layout. Like it?

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-06T04:54:00.000-07:00

I got a homework.. or i shall say survey. So Im going to do it now and here it goes..

Seven things that scares me:
1. Geckos
2. Lizards
3. God
4. Hell
5. Me
6. Waking up in one of those games like in the movie "Saw" (i know it's random, but seriously.. theres nothing else..)
7. Scary things that scares me

Seven random songs at the moment:
1. Dare by Gorillaz
2. Red to Black by Fort Minor
3. And One by Linkin Park
4. Going Under by Evanescence
5. Riot by Three Days Grace
6. There's a Good Reason These Tables are Numbered Honey, You Just Haven't Thought of It Yet by Panic! At The Disco
7. Figure.09 by Linkin Park

Seven things that I like the most:
1. Music
2. Bed
3. Food
4. Money
5. Linkin Park (the members&&their music)
6. Computer
7. Internet/Photoshop

Seven important things in my bedroom:
1. BED!! (of course)
2. Computer
3. CD Player
4. Wardrobe
5. All of my things.. like accessoris and stuff
6. Pillows and my plushies^^
7. Blanket

Seven random facts about me:
1. I am extremely weird
2. I snore when I sleep
3. People consider me as 'cute' and 'small'
4. I am anti-social most of the time and can be down right cold and careless at times
5. I'm open-minded (I am!)
6. I go weirder instead of quieter late at night
7. There's so many other things that you don't/won't know about me.

Seven things I said the most:
1. "uh huh"
2. "don't know"
3. "hm"
4. "eh. uh.."
5. "I mean.."
6. "what?"
7. "hmpft"

Seven things I plan to do before I die:
NOTE: I THINK THIS ONE IS ABIT TOO PERSONAL, SO I SHAN'T ANSWER THIS ONE K? THANKS.

Seven friends I want to pass this on:
1. Amelia
2. Claudia
3. Ria
4. Tiwi
5. Finka (don't tell me you've done this one as well T_T)
6. Dev
7. Cynthia (ha! hehe)

Okay, that's about it really..
~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm starting to think that I'm shrinking.. It feels like I am.. or is it just me?
Anyway, I made a lyout. not a crappy so beginner one like the one I made for my little brother (no offence) - okay, it's still crappy.. but owell, I can't be bothered doing a super good one. The picture's crappy and blurry also.. as usual. So here goes if you want to see.. click HERE.

Not much to say. I'm boring like that. I'm sleeping early now.. so yeah.. (yes, early.. 1:02 is early for me in the holidays. I usually sleep like 2:30) Toodles.
~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

I am that generous to make my little brother a layout for his blog -_-' It's a bit messy though, I didn't do my best, but since he doesn't mind I don't care. Check it out and see what you think of the layout HERE. Mind you once again, it's messy.. and it's best viewed on IE.

I have to say that today's boring. Infact, the whole holiday's boring and it's so crappy 'cause there's not much to deal with which makes it just so plain dull. I keep on making a note to myself to go out somewhere or do something or even go out with friends or something, but no matter how many times I tell myself that, I'm still sitting in front of this computer of mine.
But come to think of it.. I haven't been going out with friends for along time, and I miss going to the City. I haven't been hanging out with people for quite a time.. I've been sitting in front of the computer, listening to music and do stuff in the internet which makes me realised that I'm such a lazy arse myself T_T Anyway, I'm going to start planning ways to get out of this house and to get this computer out of my sight. But for now, I'm going to take a shower.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-02T19:53:00.000-07:00

I didn't post yesterday neither did I go out. So I'm posting now and later I'm going out --just for awhile to find some things I want. I've tried to post yesterday though, but somehow I couldn't. I wrote for about four sentences and then I just couldn't be bothered to post it and I just crossed it straight away. I was about to changed the layout already as well, but my computer got hang and I couldn't be bothered saving it, so again.. I crossed it. Hmm.. I wonder why my egg's still not hatching..

Anyway I'm going to cook bread now so toodles. And check out the new LP song.

Edited:
My egg hatched! A red dragon!

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-10-01T02:57:00.000-07:00

Another boring and dull Sunday.. I promise I'll get my ass out of this house and go out tomorrow.
There's so many things going through in my mind, even little tiny things that you don't need to think about. I always have nothing to say no matter how I feel, what happened and how many things there are going through my head. So.. I'll just type random stuff that comes to my head.

I have been unfocused lately, I don't know why. Mike Shinoda is so talented! LP's song always has a spark that doesnt make you bored everytime you listen to it. And why are they so fricken loveable?! X] It's so cute how sometimes people spell 'fuck' "fak". Whyy is everything so dull and boring and pointless?! -_-' After a while, I can't be bothered going to LPMB no more. I realised that I'm getting skinnier and my tummy's getting smaller (I was getting chubby) I want to watch the 'LOST in TRANSLATION' dvd. I like the word "lapf" I made it up and it cracks me up (that rhymes) I'm less random now and I'm getting more lame, so I should stop.

I wonder if people would remember my birthday and would say "Happy Birthday!!" to me.. but then I feel like I don't deserve it since sometimes I forgot about people's birthday as well, but I really expect the people who are close to heart and are close to me to remember. It'd break my heart if they don't, even though I won't show it. Like when I was in year 4 primary. I felt totally left out and forgotten. Not even a friend said "Happy Birthday!" and when I was year 4, I always make a surprise for everyone's birthday, even my teachers! (lol, i stll can remember). Not to mention that NONE of my parents were there, they were out of town. And I still remember that all I got was a walkman and the album Meteora by Linkin Park. And that's when I sarted to get so deeply in love with them no matter what. I don't expect anything though, all I want is a 'Happy Birthday" and money =]

I noticed the words "Happy Birthday" is mentioned alot of times in this post. Anyway, the song Red To Black - Fort Minor is starting to grow on me and I just keep on listening to it over and over again. Anyhow.. I'll end this now before you fall asleep.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

I decided to stop putting stupid titles. I can't be bothered thinking of one everytime I feel like posting and.. yeah, I ran out of ideas. I find all the titles in my blog lame.
Didn't get to edit the previous post since I have nothing to say anyway.

Now.. *sigh* I don't know. Why do I even bother posting something here? -_-'
Let's see.. I'm sleepy, that's for one. I feel like being alone at home after going to Consulate General thing in Maroubra with fam and being around all those noisy crowds. Those middle aged women were so very loud and talkative that I could've gone deaf by now if I stayed around them.
The QWERTY song suddenly strucked me and it hooked me up and makes me listen to it over and over again for some reason. I didn't like it that much at first though, I thought it was too hardcore and abit unLPish, but then it starts getting into me even more.
Everything is too boring and dull now. There's nothing left interesting. My excitement of going to Indo and starts everything all over again is gone since now I find it abit.. meh. *scratches cheek*

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-29T01:50:00.000-07:00

Two weeks of rest.. or maybe not.

Aahh! At last!! Whoo.. I never thought I'd get through this week. I ended up going to school today even though the school was empty because people just can't be fucked going to the last day of school. I had to though and I know no matter how many times I beg to stay at home or pretend to be sick, I'll end up being at school anyway. I know.. because I tried to be sick and as I thought, I ended up being at school. Anyway, enough about school stuff.

This morning was a total bizzare though. It was worse than the other mornings and it was horrible. But anyhow.. I'm glad that school's over so I can have a rest.. or maybe not. No more maths and all that school shit at least. hmpft. I'll edit this later, my fam's pissing me off.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-27T22:07:00.000-07:00

At school

What's the point of going on net on computer at school when they block nearly every webpage people usually go to? And they don't even block those stupid games site that the guys goes to. Unfair T_T So now I'm stuck on blogger and all I can do is post and yet, I'm dying to go to LPMB. The computers are nice though, not the old ones.. but still.. pft. There's nothing to do and this is like the last period of school. I'd probably go back on when I get back home.

At the moment, I'm thinking about my own new room at Indo I'm having. I'm hoping that they'd paint the room other than pink. I don't hate pink as much as I used to, but can you even imagine me in a pink room? o_0 Maybe grey would be a great idea, representing the dullness of me (ha). And maybe violet.. but that's just.. meh. I'm thinking also about dark green.. yes, that would be nice.

Oh pft, I gotta log off.

Edited:

I am ashamed. I am pathetic. I hate the way I act towards things. And I hate the way I shout things that I don't need to shout about and the way I don't shout the things I need/want to shout about.
I also hate the way I ran to a pole today just because I was that dumb to didnt watch where I was going T_T'' Check out the new LP song btw.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-26T23:33:00.000-07:00

"It was my shoes..! I swear it was!"

Today was just utterly tiring, but more interesting than any other days. It's not an interesting day, but it's less dull and boring than the other days. Not only a tiring day, but I'm very very thirsty, a little bit hungry and I'm craving for 'mochi'. It's this cake thing and it's really.. soft and.. cute! and yummy!^^

I went to school with my new smell (Impulse - Summer Shakers - Tropical Breeze) My mum finally bought one from the chemist after all the complains I've made when Dev stepped on my last "Ico" Impulse. I've been wanting that smell for months, but now I finally got it.. not that I hate the Ico one..

But anyway,, what made worse the day was that I had sport - and PE! I tried to explain to my PE teacher that I was feeling weak and dehydrated since I was fasting and it was so very hot. I also told him that I've been helping a relative/friend moving houses and I was bringing heavy stuff so my arms are all very sore (I didn't help anyone moving houses, but my arms were actually sore). But before I could finished all the reasons, he cut my sentence and told everyone to go under the tree if you don't want to participate and he'll give our sport teachers a note explaining we can't go to sport and will put us in room B1. Hearing that, I quickly changed my mind. I don't want to go to B1 with all the non-sport people, eep! We played touch footy, but I didn't really play for a long time since I kept on going off as a sub with all other girls who doesn't want to play.

I waited on the side of the field and I was watching Sevda, Isabella and Melody doing that.. thing.. where you stand in front of your friend and fall down and the friend behind you has to catch you. You know.. all about that trusting thing. Sevda told me to fall in front of her and promised to catch me and bounce me back. Trusting her, I did and she did catch me. The next one was Isabella telling me to do that in front of her. Her, saying "Trust me.." I did, so I fell in front of her and as she caught me there was a.. "BRPHT!" fart sound. I stood up quickly and ran away laughing my ass off. They all laughed too and her excused was.. "It was my shoes..! I swear it was!" ha. Okay, well I trust you, it was your shoes. Finally something entertaining, heh.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-26T06:24:00.000-07:00

Greetings..

Yes, hello.. I've decided to post the second time tonight. I was about to edit the previous post but I just can't be fucked to do it. Now.. my head's heavy for some reason and I'm feeling weak. I'm trying to covince my mum to give me a letter to excuse me to not attend PE and sport tomorrow. Besides that, I have loads of works to do and I finally completed the third day of fasting (in the previous post, I was still fasting I haven't even break my fast, I just came back from school)

There's not much to say except the fact that I really don't want to go to school tomorrow. I just want to stay at home and do my assigns already (yes, assigns in the last week of the term!) It's also very late for me to sleep now and especially I have to wake real early tomorrow.
*sigh* I just want to get this week done quickly!

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

I told you I love these guys!

Came home from school and turned on the computer straight away (as usual) Bored, I went to LPMB and check out some threads and posted some stuff and then.. in one of the thread, someone posted an interview with LP. It's a funny interview and I like it. So as usual, since I like it, I'll put it up here. Enjoy! =]

RC: Rock Circus has come down to Metropol, we're with the members of Linkin Park. This is Rob.
Rob: Hello
RC: You're the bassist?
Rob: Drummer

RC: Phoenix, the odest and newest member of the band I'm told, bass player.
Phoenix: That is correct.

RC: And we got Chester over here.
Chester: Hi

RC: And Todd
Brad: I'm Brad, but you can call me Todd.
RC: I'm sorry, my bust, so tell me a little bit...

(Mike who is sitting behind Gigz waves to the camera)
Mike: I'm not in the band.
RC: Mike, I'm sorry, I didn't even see you behind me.
Mike: I'm here for moral support and to sit over-top of everybody.
RC: My bad, hey they're being very nice to us we forgot the tape and luckily I live very close and I was able to get back and weasel an interview in. Thanks guys for being so nice to us.

Band: No problem.
RC: So you guys are from Southern California, what part?
Chester: Los Angeles, California.
RC: You guys look relatively young, did you hook up in highschool?
Mike: Yeah, we're still in highschool, none of us have our driver's liscences yet.
RC: Nah, you look a little older than that man.
Mike: No I'm thirteen.
RC: I got a fourteen year old daughter you can hook up with.
Chester: Alright!
RC: No I didn't say that, I got church people that watch my show.

RC: Now you guys got two vocalists, Chester and Mike.
Brad: And Todd.
RC: And Todd, Brad over there, I'm sorry my bad. That's what you get when you try to pull one out your ass. But anyway is there any problems between egos?
Mike: Yeah, a lot, we hate eachother!
RC: I would doubt that.
Chester: That's what makes it so diverse and dynamic when you write lyrics cause it's about how much we hate eachother.
RC: Is that what sells?
Chester: Yeah
RC: And then you throw Todd's guitar work in over there,I'm sorry Brad I'm busting your balls.
Mike: Big Bad Todd. ((Note from me: It's meant to be Big Bad Brad. He even got it for his user on LPMB))
RC: How did you hook up with these guys?
Mike: Tough Tall Todd.
Brad: You can call me tough tall, Mike and I actually met in junior high, I went to college with Dave, Rob played with me in a band in highschool.

Phoenix: Who's Dave?
Brad: Oh, sorry, Phoenix... phonics... and Chester was the last piece of our beautiful little puzzle.

Chester: They found me in a dumpster.
Mike: I went to school with Joe. Mr Hahn's too busy working out to hang out with us but I knew Joe from college, so that we don't leave him out of the puzzle there. He told us to screw off I think.

RC: (laughing)Now your CD title is Hybrid Theory, the title originally was the name of the band, what transpired there?

Mike: It was basically a legal issue that we changed the name. We chose the name Linkin Park for one reason, the spelling L I N K I N. We've always been interested in the internet and a lot of our first fans and street-team members were from the internet so we wanted to choose a name that we could get the band name .COM. Basically we just wanted the website, that's it, that's the only reason.

Chester: We're pretty boring.
RC: No you guys aren't boring, you guys were flying all around here before we started.

(Joe walks up from behind the back of the bus to join the crowd)
Chester: He's pumped up, check him out dude, look at the size of that guy!
Mike: He's so pumped. (in an Arnold Schwartzenager voice)
(Joe makes a blow me jester to the group)
RC: How much can you bench?
Joe: Uhh... I bench like 120 pounds.
RC: No, come on.
Joe: Sixty pounds on each side.
RC: What do you do like sets of ten with that?
Joe: No, like three.
RC: Do you run the turn-tables or drums?
Joe: Yeah, I rent turn-tables every night, scratch.
RC: Does that help your abilities there?
Joe: I actually started off petting dogs.
RC: Well, that would be a great catalyst to that.
Joe: Then I moved on to cats.
RC: Then you could move on to spanking the monkey.
Joe: No, I've been doing that for years.
RC: See, you had a head start before petting dogs.
Joe: Yeah monkeys, we go way back.
RC: Or turtles?
Joe: No just turtle heads.
RC: Cat heads, whatever it takes.

(Chester is bent over with laughter on the other side
of the couch)

Mike: Chester's gonna bust his gut here.
Chester: Sometimes I get posessed by the laughing demons.
RC: How long are you guys gonna be out on the road? A good while, through the end of the year?
Mike: We'll be on tour with HedPe and POD and Project 86 through the rest of this month, November, and then in December we'll be hooking up with Papa Roach.
RC: Good friend of RC, he's a cool dude. But hey I'll wrap this up, I know you guys have things to do,thanks.

[--------------------------------------------------------------------------------]

Aand that's about it. It's funny for me, but probably some of you's don't get it, so nevermind! It's old though, this interview. It's when they still toured for their Hybrid Theory album and that's like their first album. Old. But still cool for me.
3 days down, 27 to go!

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-25T06:17:00.000-07:00

A quickie drop

I'm just dropping by to say some words and I'll make this real quick 'cause it's pretty late for me since I have to wake up at 3.30 or maybe even earlier.

Today was just as dull and as empty and as indifference as any toher days, but then something unexpected happened. When I turned on my computer aggressively (while hitting the monitor for not working) I just felt like going on MSN straight away, so I did. Just 3 seconds after I signed in, Ria came on! ah! that totally made my day! --well not really, but it's practically the most interesting that happened today.

2 days down, 28 days to go!
~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-24T05:36:00.000-07:00

Just one more week

I would rather fast for a whole full month than going to school this last week of the term. Unfortunately, I have to do both. Exciting T_T for some reason I just don't feel like being seen at school and going to school and due my assigns. I just can't be bothered and I don't feel like to.
Anyhow, today wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I didn't starve to death as I thought I would. Infact, it wasn't hard. I just got a bit weak since usually 50% of the day I eat 40% internet and the other 10% are just.. usual stuff.. I don't get fat for some reason though. Don't get me wrong, I do excercise; every Wednesday and I jump around and those kinds of push-ups thingies everyday, but it only takes me for about 10 minutes. hmpft.

I have to sleep early now, 'cause I have to wake up around 3.30 in the morning. That means I better have some rest and I guess it's enough for this other dull and empty day. I know it'll be a long week, but at least it's just a week then after that.. finally! free from all those stupid assigns and school works.. and exams.. wish me luck.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-23T02:26:00.000-07:00

A look at my dark emotion

I missed quizilla so I had a look around there. I found some interesting quizzes, but I'm just going to put one up, because I can't be bothered to go to the My Quizzes Result page and update it, so I'll put it up here instead.

A look at your dark emotion (For girls, NOT a happy quiz! Has pictures and 6 detailed results!)

The emotions you feel are: indifference and carelessness:You have come to a point in life, where you really just dont care anymore. You have been through too much for you to deal with, causing all your emotions just too always shut down. To certain people this may seem like a good thing, because whatever bad thing happens: you dont care. But to you however, its is an awful thing.. You wish you were just cabeable of feeling something again. To other people you seem cold, or sometimes maybe even evil..? Who knows, but either way: you dont care, so it doesnt matter. However, you will have a person to help you someday, and then in some time.. you will do better again! I wish you luck!

Colour: GreyPositive traits: Cant get hurt easilyNegative traits: Cold, uncaring, apatheticElement: IcePlease rate and/or message!
Take this quiz!

Quizilla |
Join
| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

It's big I know. There's something wrong with the coding, but owell..

Anyway, yesterday was science excursion. It wasn't that bad, but I just can't be bothered talking about all the stuff that happened.
Today I had fun starring at my stupid monitor all day long with my square bum, browsing through every website that I know and post at LPMB. I'm a noob there. lol owell.
Fasting starts tomorrow..! eek! wish me luck. toodles.

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-21T06:23:00.000-07:00

fortunate,, but not so fortunate

ignore the title, i cant come up with another one. suits me well enough though. hmph, absurt.
anyway, as i was waiting for this blog thing to load so i can create a new post (this post), i went to the toilet and i smelt something was burning from the kitchen. when i walked there i noticed something red. thinking the house was on fire i ran to the stove and felt real glad that only the food were burnt. phew..

so,, tomorrows science excursion and yet i dont even know what we're doing, i do but i forgot T_T i know where though.. its in the city, The Rocks i think. meh.

oh and ive been wanting to type this down for couple of days but i kept on forgetting it and now i remember =] --okay well, last time i took this quiz thing and it asked me this question:
**what do you fear most? -or something along those lines.. but anyway, the answers were:
**to have nothing interesting/exciting left to do **being dull **dreams being shattered **out of touch **people think youre unoriginal **someone holding you back **losing your friends and some others..

i didnt know what to choose cos.. the first one,, well i already have nothing interesting && exciting left to do. the second one, im dull already thankyouverymuch. the third one.. oo.. i was this close to shatter my dreams just like that. // out of touch,, okay just maybe a little bit. and btw, some people really thinks im unoriginal o_o but meh, i dont give a damn anyway. someone holding me back,, well not now but someone WAS holding me back. so i guess i cant say i dont have any friends and dont mind having NO friends at all, and that was my answer,, "losing my friends" but seriously, that big mistake i made had make me realised how important they are to me, so from all the others, i guess i fear that one the most. some people thinks its pathetic or maybe thinks im weak etc etc, but its not. --okay maybe i am weak, but still.. =D

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-20T04:15:00.000-07:00

the three wishes

what would you wish if you actually have those 3 wishes thing..?
this is lame i know but i dont have anything else interesting to type T_T but anyway, a friend of mine said that "i wish everytime i say i wish it comes true" great idea, but not so great. sometimes when i get mad or pissed off or upset or frustrated etc etc.. i can go.. "aerggh i wish ive never been born" if everytime i say i wish it comes true.. then pooff!! i wouldnt have been born o_0 or something like.. "i wish i can just die" then id die -.-' or worse! i might go.. "i wish i can just kill him/her" that would be a total bizzare,, o_o

so.. id rather wish..
1) to have a power that can controls time
2) to reach my big dream of mine in the future (its the thing that keeps me going until now)
3) to have nothing to wish about

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-19T06:14:00.000-07:00

Karate! XD

i was bumming around YouTube.. again. and found a very interesting video. i like it. so again i decided to put it here. --okay.. well, i cant actually be bothered typing stuff about today and what happened etc etc. so youll be stuck with the video instead. Enjoy!

~'JJe~ ♥

2006-09-18T01:07:00.000-07:00

maybe stop to think

i found a poem. i like the poem, so i decided to put it here. the author of the poem is HereLiesMyDignity. the poem is called "Maybe Stop To Think"
Enjoy!

Call her what you like, but dont expect a reaction
Cause that girl has feelings too
That girl just waits and hides
That girl doesnt want attention
She just wants to be able to cry

Give her name, but dont wait for her to moan
Cause that girl has feelings too
That girl doesnt want you to tease
That girl doesnt want to fear you
Just dont do it , please

Backstab all you want, but dont hope to start a fight
Cause that girl has feelings too
That girl could run away
That girl could tell everybody
But that girl would never say

Spread every rumour there is, but maybe stop to think
Cause that girl has feelings too
That girl just waits and hides
That girl doesnt want attention
She just wants to be able to cry

x.[--------------------------------------------------------].x

neways. today was a bizzare. a total bizarre indeed. after spraining my neck, i sprained my ankle on the way home. most of the locker at school were destroyed over the weekends. so at period one i cleaned it up and brought EVERYTHING home. i had to, so i did and it made me sprained an ankle. when i came home my muscles became all stiff because of the heavy books.

today.. i dont know. well i do, but i dont know how to explain it. i feel like.. i dont feel happy.. but i dont feel miserable. im not feeling those usual 'screwed' feeling. its like.. everything is just so.. dull and boring and i never get excited anymore. when a friend of mine said that my locker was one of the one that got crashed, i was just "okay" without being mad or anything. everything is just so damn plain and straight to me. and when i remembered i have assigns due, i dont get all in that 'must study must work' mood, i just go "oh yeah ok" some bad things happened today, but it feels like everyday stays aall the same. gah.
oh and i have music assessment to do so.. so long..

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-17T00:10:00.000-07:00

new template

now this one i made it myself. i figured out the basic codes from another skin and yeah the header i made it myself. its a bit plain i know.. well not plain but it looks.. empty. i dunno. meh. im planning to be one of those people who makes blog skins in blogksins.com whatever you call it. but i might dont have time to make skins and upload them so im still thinking about it.

today i sprained my neck. yes, my neck. i cant turn or move my head. even though i can, it hurts and stings as hell. im feeling a little guilty.. i dunno. i think i was a little harsh to a friend of mine and i hope it wont lead me to another big mistake like before T_T''
there's not much to say really.. today was a total snore. well i had BBQ with me family which is sort of nice. and the foods.. oh, the foods were nice.

for some reason i want to fast.. one because i know ive been eating alot these days even though for some reason im always sort of skinny. and two.. i need to save money. especially my weekly money got cut off since i called dev too many times on september. i know it was my fault but i still feel like banging my head on the table for cutting off my own weekly money. gah. oh and surprisingly, i grew taller!^^ ahhaha. happy i am. i just realised my jacket that has a writing "owned" is shrinking. then i thought.. did i even wash this jacket? and i knew the jacket doesnt shrink after you wash it a couple of times. then i realised my pants were shrinking as well. then i realised yesterday when i met claudia, shes shorter than me. ahha! yeeaahh! i feel so childlish, but yeah.. owell. wish me luck for the coming week and i cbb pressing more letters now..

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-16T00:43:00.000-07:00

give me a reason to peel off my face

"saturday is your good day of the week"
let's see.. i woke up at 10 with my tummy grumbling. so i went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. then i ate. and then as usual i go on computer and realised i have mtc meeting. i got ready. and as i brushed my hair i realised that im having a bad fringe day -.-' gah. very annoying. i came to mtc late. lets skip this part, it was boring. okay, after mtc, i decided to wonder around alone since i didnt wanna go home. i went to maccers and get fries and coke. i walked to the park i used to go with ria. i dont know why, i just felt like to. i sat down on one of the swings. i ate while listening to music. then i stayed there alone doing nothing, just listening to music and reading.

after a while my head started spinning and it feels like something is hitting it hard. so i decided to go home. i walked to kingsford round about then stopped at the shop Kare Bear. i looked around and then continued walking to the bus stop. i caught a bus home. then i just layed on the sofa downstairs. after my head stop hurting i went upstairs and do usual stuff; eat, drink, computer, music. and here i am now.. my head's starting to hurt again -.-'

another dull day i guess. but its pretty nice how i finally got to be alone! so i guess it is.. but the morning was a bizzare. i missed the bus to mtc and i said really loudly until a grandpa starred at me "the bus driver is fcuking blind!!" i felt embarassed afterwards though. heh. now this is what i call an undescribeable day..

~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-15T07:24:00.000-07:00

in my mind

ignore the title i cbb thinking of something else, it just strucked me.
im listening to music. i cant sleep and i just took a shower. yes, this late at night. my tummy is grumbling but im trying to ignore it. i havent post for quite a while now since i usually post often. but these days i just.. i dont feel like posting things anymore. so i might have lack amount of posts than before. well its not like anyone is interested about what i post and about my life anyway. my eyes are getting heavy so lets get this done quickly.

one thing.. i know i supposed to put this way earlier, but sorry dev, better than nothing.. happy birthday dev!!^^ 12th of september, silly me i didnt put it up.
and for the rest.. well the rest of the week after is just plain dull and.. ah.. how should i put it.. undescribeable. not in a very good way though, in a boring way and it makes me feels lonely and just.. dull.. and desperate to have at least something interesting to happen. this month is just so empty and dull.
unlike August, loads and loads of stuff happened that month, but most of them.. they're horrible. yes they are. go back to the archives, the posts are depressing. you might as well noticed that already.

i cant stand starring at the monitor anymore. my butt's square already probably..
~`JJe~ ♥

2006-09-10T23:44:00.000-07:00

i need just a little bit more time

oh joy, its monday! and unsurprisingly it rained..
what a boring day. i have more and more assignments and yet ive been very lazy these days. gah. its so effing cold today but as always, i decided not to wear my ugly school jumper. never. im not wearing that baggy fat green jumper. and i dont wanna look green from top to bottom *shudder* so again, my long black sleves saves the day^^ --well not really, since it was thin and it didnt really help, but better than nothing. my fault though, i bought a wrong kind of jumper. i shouldve bought the v-necked one. it's not baggy, it's a better colour, it fits your body, and its v-necked,, and its better. meh.

neways, the only part of the day i like is English. its not that i like the subject. it was meant to be the worst part, but since the teacher was away and most of the people who were supposed to due their assignments and to act out their play were away, it was pretty good. i worked on my unfinished because i cant be bothered doing it assign, and me, farah, and stephanie didnt end up practising the play. so.. the whole 2 periods, all we did was talk, laugh and do our crappy assigns. i couldnt stop laughing, it was the longest time ive laughed at school in a year. dont ask why, i just did.

went to maccers after school with steph, took a bus, and got home. i dropped my bag in my room and opened my fridge, expecting theres something good to eat. nothing. --nothing that i wanted anyway. so here i am.. bored.. starring at the screen, recording what happened today. i should find something to do.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-09-10T06:58:00.000-07:00

[mondays]

i hate mondays. the worst day of the week. its the day when you just cant get your ass off the bed in the morning. and its the day when you wish its friday already and its also the day when you always rush in the morning and arrived to school late. typical.
if only i have the power to bend time..

~`JJe~ <33

2006-09-09T07:07:00.000-07:00

stuck

the word 'stuck' is stuck in my mind. i havent post for quite a while. i have so many things in my mind but i just cant be bothered typing stuff down and for some reason i just cant write the things i wanna say in a post like before.. like the other posts i mean. ill try though. if i just cant come up with anything to write.. well then.. meh, screw it.

one thing i have noticed is that im becoming more dull and dull day by day. i dunno. maybe i just need to chill a little bit more sometimes. maybe i need to socialise more and go out often like i used to do before. lately, i just cant get my ass to work even though sometimes i have nothing better to do and in fact, sometimes i just have nothing to do. okay well thats a lie.. not nothing to do.. nothing that i want to do. lately, i want to just lay in bed, with music on, raining.
lately, someone has been hacking into my msn. so beware!

im starting to think that my head is on the clouds sometimes and im starting to think ive.. gotten abit mental and i think i should stop, because ive been thinking too far. god im freaking myself out.

~`JJe~ <33

2006-09-05T02:32:00.000-07:00

im not who you think i am

i got vaccination today. it was like a pinch, the one that hurts. but anyway.. it just made my arm sore and heavy but yer.. it didnt hurt as much as i thought it would.
as always.. today i wore black sleeves under my school shirt and the platform shoes. when i was waiting for my turn.. a teacher saw me and went.. "hey you, what are you doing under that black shirt? its not part of school uniform! take it off!" i was like.. o_0 but then i took it off anyway. then she came up to me again..

teacher: "okay you, whats your name?"
me: "urm.. m*jm*"
teacher: "why are you out of uniform?"
me: *lying* "oh urm.. my jumper.. and my shoes are washed.."
teacher: "your shoes are washed.."
me: "...yea school shoes.."
teacher: *raise voice a little bit* "go to the office and get a note!!"
me: *raised eyebrows* "okay" *walk to the office*

i came back with the note. and i showed it to her. she read it. and then she looked at me. i just put a straight plain and the 'i-didnt-do-anything-wrong' face. then she spoke.. "okay.." and then she gave me back the note. i walked away saying "yeah" then she came up with another thing.. "and less make up tomorrow too!!" --what.the.fuck?! make up eh? make up?! i just wore a goddamn eyeliner. and it wasnt that thick anyway. its not like im the only one who wears eyeliner at school. --okay, i admit. my bad, i was out of uniform. cant help it. but she was looking at me and talking to me in a really freakin nasty way. anyway, i was the last one to get the vaccination.. so i was waiting at the end of the line. that teacher was speaking to other kids and including stephanie. she just smiled and talked to her normally. then when stephanie and another guy came in to the room.. it was only me and a friend of mine. she smiled to her. then my turn.. and guess what she did? *uhm* she looked at me as if im an alien who did something wrong to her. i just raised an eyebrow and acted cool. she kept on looking at me as if im those.. drug user, smoker, drinker, bad, depressed, dumb, rude kind of girl whos gonna drop out school.. *shakes head* at least im smarter than she thinks i am =P

neways. nothing interesting today. just another crappy tuesday. i put on the black sleeves again btw. heh. im tired. and i have this feeling that im gonna get glasses soon. aahh!~ seriously, these days, sometimes when i read small fonts. it goes blurry.. and i lost concentration.. and i cant read properly T_T''' i cant imagine myself with glasses on..

~`JJe~ <33

2006-09-04T05:20:00.000-07:00

yaerghbloodyhellimfeelingsofukingscrewedwhatshouldido??!!

long word huh? meh. --i hope i have something to look forward to.
life is so boring. i wish ive never been born. seriously. i do. i cant come up with anything today. im feeling.. dull. i have a vaccination tomorrow. i will go to bondi after school.
*whines* ..something please happen! i cant stand waiting here doing nothing just for my death. and where will i go? --yes, to the bloody freakin stinking graveyard. i know. thats why i wish ive never been born.

why cant my life be as exciting as other interesting people's?! and why the heck do i have to always complain and whine about only my problems in this stupid blog of mine?! why cant i just come up with an effing interesting thing to put here?! yaerghbloodyhellimfeelingsofukingscrewedwhatshouldido??!!

~`JJe~ <33

2006-09-02T06:14:00.000-07:00

loving these guys

eh. well i was checking out YouTube, and i watched this video of linkin park performing the song 'a place for my head' live in texas. it was crazy. so wild. but i like it. and its so.. gawddamn cool. i think.. its the best song performed live so far. so i decided to put it here. enjoy^^

~`JJe~ <33

2006-09-01T05:32:00.000-07:00

the meaning of life

questions:
1) where did we come from?
2) where are we going to?
3) why are we here?
4) whats it all about anyway?

ah. ever wonder those questions? im sure you did at least once. but its not worth thinking about that ya know.. cos i have the answers.

answers:
1) your parents had sex and you were born.
2) to the graveyard, ducky.
3) see number one above.
4) trying to stay alive.

very.. logical eh?
~`JJe~ <33