Sunday, August 20, 2006
i was someone ive never wanted to beive made such a big mistake. such a stupid crap fcuking big mistake. i feel so very guilty. i cant even believe i did that. i never know how precious the things i have until i lost them. i want to turn back time and fix the wrong steps i took. i wanna take back those words i said and wrote. what a big mistake. i dont know how to fix it except to wait. ive tried to say sorry and fix it.. ive spent the whole day yesterday.. it didnt work. i feel so mixed up. if i go back to indonesia.. i have to start again.. good, but i might as well get stressed out. if i stay here.. i might end up in a mental hospital in a couple of months. i lost my big dream and hope. i cant kill myself. one.. well yeah, what a great idea to kill yourself in this young age. believe me, im younger than you think i am. im not a baby though, obviously. two.. i havent done enough good (or even bad.. [joking]) stuff in my life. my grade at school is going down down down. i dont care though. i dont care anymore. i feel like.. stopping the time. and just have a rest. and then play it again when im ready and have enough rest. and then i can rewind and fix the wrong things ive done. what a dream.the only thing im looking forward to is when he forgives me and things comes back to happy happy. and if thats not gonna happen.. pft, owell. i guess i cant do anything with it. and i know i cant be down forever. he's one of a kind (yes you are) so its obvious that i cant meet up with another one like him. but im sure.. that things will get better. if not, thats just the way its meant be. ill deal with it later. and just incase. he's a friend. a good friend indeed. and im feeling such a retarded fool after what ive done. im so sorry. im so very sorry. i cant deny it but youre one of the people who lights up my life. im so sorry! ><''''~`JJe~ <33
2:53 AM
Just don't let me fall asleep, feeling empty again
