Saturday, April 05, 2008
I promised i was gonna post again. About that guy on the previous post.. a few days ago i just got home from going out, my intentions about him was i wanted to put him behind and just move on. but everytime i start to do that, he just comes crawling back in. i cant just ignore him, i dont want to anyway. --anyway, i came home from going out with the distro guy, then he smsed this poem. i thought he sent it to other people too just to waste some creds. i wanted to make sure so i called a friend. she said she didnt get any poem. so i thought 'why did he only send it to me? is it supposed to mean something?' and i replied him. he said it wasnt meant to be for anyone. yea right. then why send it to me? so we just smsed normally and out of nowhere he asked who i was with now. i said no one and i asked him why he asked and if he was already with someone else. he said no cuz i still cant forget you. ha.ha. then why did you ever let me go? in the end of our conversation, he ran outta creds. but when i thought he wasnt gonna sms anymore, he used someone else's number. he ran straight to the point. i guess he just couldnt wait and he said--well you guessed it.. still having feelings, cant forget each other. he asked me back and i said i felt exactly the same thing. when i thought it was gonna be a start of something, i was left hanging again. after one long confusion, i have decided to seriously just not expect anything and put him as my bitter sweet past. theres clearly someone better for me, and hes right in front of me. no matter how my heart still flutters everytime i remember him or how much he has affected me & my life and how he still comes out in my dreams. the way something's telling me we could be one perfect loving couple. i gotta ignore it. gotta move on. damn. i gotta go again. be back. promise. <33Labels: life, love
7:23 PM
Just don't let me fall asleep, feeling empty again
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
*squeals*Hi!You have got to miss me this time, riight?aw come on, i know you do.look at how long i havent post! theres heaps to catch up on! heheh. & im excited to tell you everything youve been missing out. yes everything, so hold on tight its one long ride.*takes one deep breath*here it goes...Well, semester 2 came up. After 2 weeks of lonely holidays i finally met up with my friends and start snoozing in classes again. Same daily routine, but things got busier. I was burried with homeworks, assigns and things to study, not to mention all the pressure. But i got used to it and things start to settle up.Although... there was one meaningful thing that happened on the last weekend of holidays before school started.. I was going out that night with Fira and somehow we decided not to go home. So i told my mum i was sleeping over at friend's and Fira told her mum she was sleeping at my place. Sssh! I know, bad girls but whatevs. She contacted her cuzin after we didnt know what to do and it was getting seriously late at night. Then we went to where her cuzin was. He was with his friends. I knew this guy that used to be close to Fira, but they got some issues, and she told he has a brother, she said he was gonna be there. I didnt care that much. So I met some new people, and i met that guy's brother. Lets call him x. I met him. One simple hand shake and just a glance, thats all i did. Nothing--and i meant nothing came across my mind when i saw him.. he was just another guy. We rode up to bukit bintang where there was no stars at all (redicilous i know) and then i heard "majma i think the guy that i like likes you" "are you serious? he just met me. whatever." "no seriously" "okay whatever" --yes it was the x guy.but that turned into one big tangled up mess.at first it was..awesome. for some reason he just popped into my dreams and i started having feelings for him. then it grew even more. before i knew it, he asked me out on valentines. it was like a dream came true. of course i said yes. but after awhile this fucked up insecurity grew in me and my trust slowly loosen. typical and stupid! something ive never wanted to be!! but i waited and i was patient, but i couldnt seem to find the answers i was looking for. so i stupidly dumped him. i was starting to get over him and met a new guy who works in a distro. & boy is he cute.. he seemed to like me too. i was happy.until one day my friend dragged me and told me the awful truth. it felt like sky was falling on me. and my heart just dropped to my tummy. my judgement --wait. judgement? i judge? what was i doing?? majma!! whatthefuck?! what have you became? --anyway, my judgement was wrong. everything i thought he was, was wrong. he was everything ive been looking for. he was everything i wished he was. until now i sit in regret wishing to take back those words and have the guts to run over to him give him one big hug and say "im sorry. lets start over."i cant. i havent seen him for long. but my feelings just grow even more. he said he misses me. i miss him too.. so much. it was only awhile but i love him more than ive ever loved a guy and its hard to forget the connection we were making even though it was almost too invisible to see.but.. im trying to start something new.. ive been getting close to that distro guy and hes nice, cute, caring, shows his affection. maybe he'll prove me that one day i can appreciate what i did, my regret. maybe he'll make me realize that everything really does happen for a reason.its actually much more complicated than that.but i gotta skid. ill continue later.promise =)
<33Labels: life, love
4:30 AM
Just don't let me fall asleep, feeling empty again
