I am now full of scars. Yesterday when I was rushing to go to school, I droppped my socks by the door, I bent down, picked it up and got back up with a huge wound accross my leg from the sharp thing (which I don't know what) sticking out of my bag. And that is the reason why I was wearing my pants today in this hot weather. Then today.. I was in the toilet, looking through something in a shelf -or whatever you call it.. then some stupid idiot didn't close that thing you use for shaving.. yeah they didn't put the lid back on. That's when it came accross my thumb and ripped a small part of my skin. The blood wouldn't stop dripping, it was way worse than the 'slicing tomato wound'.. Ahh.. T_T''

Today's music test was freaking sad. I got 9.5 out of 10! I know it's not a bad mark, not at all.. but I'm really not happy with the result and my performance. I did so way much better when practising. Other then that, well that was one of the reason that kinda turned me off, not that I wasn't already, but I feel hopeless, worthless, useless and any other 'less' word you can think of.

Edit:
I'm editting instead of creating a new one 'cos I'm just here to say that I've changed the songs. Check them out.

Toodles.
~`JJe~ <33




I need a new hairstyle. I want hers :( Hayley Williams from Paramore. I love the hair, although I don't want the colour but I like the style and how straight it is. Very lucky girl she is, 17 and already in an awesome band. I like their song Pressure and Emergency.

Anyways, I have Maths yearly exam tomorrow. Gahhh.. I hate the end of the year!! You have so many assigns and tests yet you can't be bothered. Especially knowing that you'll be moving in 2 and a half months. Fark, we haven't even started packing and shipping T_T *sigh*
One more thing, I really want to change my layout..

Edited:
Oh god, I feel so bad. When I thought I'm gonna be all screwed up for the rest of my life and there are no doors that are opening.. something happened. But then again, something just HAS to ruin it.. now I feel bad, really. It's rare for me to have a chance like that, but then knowing I can't take the chance is even worse. Knowing that I could finally get a life but I have to move is even worse.. I could've at least make a way closer to my dream and goal. But then again.. I'd probably ruin it as I always do if I got to take it anyway..

~`JJe~ <33




I'm tired, very. But it's still not over yet. And I have a long long way to go. Plus I just heard that we're actually doing advanced stuff that we're meant to do in either a year or two. Can't complain though, Indonesia is still harder. But I seriously rather do tests and exams than huge assigns. I cut myself when I was slicing the tomatoes. So deep that the blood wouldn't stop dripping. And when I brush my hair or touch it, I can feel a hair or two going in and through the wound. It was quite a success though.
And here's one assign coming again; Drama. Exciting. At least I'm busy.
Although I just slept, I still feel heck tired...

~`JJe~ <33




No. Blogging doesn't seem to grab my interest anymore. But no. I'm not closing this blog.. yet.
I've been wanting to make new skins and make a new one for this blog as well. But since I'm no longer using my computer since it is now completely stuffed, I have to download all the brushes and such again, so I can't be bothered. Next week's the big day for Food Tech. T_T Wish me and my cooking skills luck.

~`JJe~ <33




I don't know wether to be thankful or not, but I kinda feel unlucky and lucky at the same time. Just thought I wouldn't ever have enough since I always think the negatives and wants more and more. Owells.

Anyways, today's not that boring. I was late meeting pig and pash at Kingsford to go to the city. We didn't do anything really, just walk and hang around doing nothing. Then we met up with my brother at kingsford and tried to find a place to eat. Ended up going to that Thai restaurant in Randwick. Then eeda came along. And my big brother kinda left me going home alone late at night and yeah well, the rest took me home instead. How nice. We took pictures, funny and weird ones.
I just noticed how I'm gonna miss them when I go back to Indo. Seriously, it was our last one to go together like that. I mean sure, there'll be MTC Reunion, but you know.. it's different. Aww.. see, when everything's fitting in back together, something just have to ruin it. As always, I never get to actually enjoy things. Even at school and stuff.

Stupid Numb video. I was getting 'Whoo!'-ey of Lostprophets and got bored of them. And went kinda 'God i love them so much!' of Three Days Grace. But then I saw the Numb video and it pulled me back to Linkin Park like a magnet. I guess I have a really soft spot for them.

*sigh*
~`JJe~ <33




Heh, I randomly listened to this song. And I thought it was so true. It's called "I Don't Know". Listen to it, it's the first song under the list "Listen". The song is by the band Lostprophets. Quick, check it out. It just kinda strucked me when I realised what he was talking about, it's gahh.. so true!

Today they asked me, "why do you always seem to fight?"
But though I could not answer I'd have lost my way
And I could tell that this ain't right
The morning sunrise seemed to ask me why I tried
To find the strength in people who had never thought about a different way of life
It just doesn't seem that easy

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

But the storms I've weathered, you know they don't seem to be as bad
If you think there's hope from here and there's a life you should now have
I don't have answers and no questions spring to mind
So here I've ended up now, there's no more signs and the roads are blocked
All night...
It just doesn't seem that easy

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

(I see no reason to move on)

I don't know where to go
I don't know what to be
I don't know how to change from being me
I don't know what to say
Maybe another day
I'll stop getting lost and find my way, home
All I know is gone...

So much for history assign today. Not worth it, egh. And now I'm off to do my DT assign. Toodles.
~`JJe~ <33





So there's clearly something wrong with me. I finished the castle sclupture today and made the speech and all the infos bla bla those shits. I left early with Sevda, at lunch. Then somehow we ended up going to Easy Way first and drop off at Kare Bear and THEN go to my house. But it took us just so long to walk back home. Not to mention all those time we wasted on the way, laughing our asses off like idiots. So we were furstrated and decided that it was a mistake to go out before we actually finished the whole project. We got heaps to do. That's when my mood went off and then our brain got smarter, heh. I painted all (well most of them anyways) the castle and she did the speech with me helping her telling her what to write. Done, then I was covered in paint; blue, green, brown, black. Blame the castle, paint and brushes. I thought I'd never see my skin colour again, especially when it was oil paint.

Is it just me or these days it seems like people are starring at me and it feels like there's someone watching and following me around? I feel insecure. Really. And I'm very unfocused lately, gah. Gotta go off now.

~`JJe~ <33




Such a sucker. Should've known how clumsy I've become o_0
I've got nothing to rant about yet I felt like blogging. Gahh.. *sigh* Hmm...
2 big assignments to due this week. Not even near finishing. I don't feel like doing anything. I'm hungry and I feel like eating for the first in a long time. I kinda got off mood of eating lately. My brother's watching a weird/lame movie. *yawn* Tired of looking at the monitor. Going off I am.

~`JJe~ <33




So last night wasn't the best night I could've got. I have come to the point where everything is so confusing and I just don't care anymore. Really. It seems like everyone around me is completely blind and everything is shutting down. And I swear to god I've been feeling numb as ever.
I also figured out my parents had sex last night when they thought everyone was asleep. I wasn't, obviously. It kinda freaked me out and it made me feel just worse. I figured out when I was looking through my bag for.. something. When I heard them, I just stopped, opened the window a little and get into bed, turning on music with my CD player and earphones on with full volume, letting the loud and hard music blasting through my ears until I go deaf. For the first time, I really felt like blowing up. I fell asleep eventually anyway, and woke up feeling nothing again.

~`JJe~ <33

PS. I changed 2 of the songs. So now you've got Somewhere I belong and Crawling by Linkin Park and Drown by Three Days Grace. Check them out. Thanks.




I can't feel anything without music. Nothing, none, blank. No matter what people say, it seems like my heart is blocked by thousands of walls that you can't break. I can't express myself without music. So yes, no music, no life.
But really, I've been putting things on the backof my head and ignoring them, even assigns and school works. Everything comes around so eventually, it comes back.. and then I throw it away again but then again, it comes around and comes back to me. Yeah, if no one's actually here right now, I'd be screaming =] I'm just desperate, desperate of something to happen, desperate to change and to stop being easily jealous and just stop with these craziness I've been thinking. I'm desperate from all the assigns and tests to just fucking STOP and give me a break. But then what am I gonna be in Indo? Will I fail 'cause of my laziness? Surely, I don't think I'll do good though. Ha! I'm so pathetic T_T Newyas, I've been not wanting to go home from school, not wanting to go to school, not wanting to be seen that I actually don't know what I want.
Weeeee, I hope things will be better when I move to Indo. I wonder..

Rawr rawr rawr rawr. I just thought it's actually better to have no one there for you rather than having people who says they're there for me when they're actually can't help and is on the way, no offence people.

Alive in me, inside of me, a part of me screams away silently
This part of me won’t go away, part of me won’t go away
Everywhere I look around I see how everyone aught to be
Every time I see myself I see there’s always something wrong with me - Part Of Me by Linkin Park

Thanks. Toodles.
~`JJe~ <33




Sue me, I'm meant to be doing assigns, but hey, a new layout. I honestly prefer this one than the last one. Simple and is filled with purple stripes. The other one's just.. it represents how fucked I was ..and am. I learnt more codings and that's why decided to just use some different codes that's still simple and looks basic, but is still nice. Yes, it's the one and only awesome Linkin Park. Finally, I made an LP skin. I've been wanting to make one since weeks ago, but I just couldn't do it it's either too muscular, girly, not my type and just doesn't fit. I know they don't suit purple/violet, but I didn't know any other that is still okay with LP, me and yet doesn't look too muscular. I want it so that it's not very girly, but not too muscular as if I'm a guy. I want it to just fit, but you still can tell that a girl made this. yeah.

And well, I just like making skins these days 'cause I know I've been improving quite abit since the first time I make skins. And also, I figured out how to decorate the blockquote thing.

Lookie.. This is the how it looks like if I blockquote writings. Simple eh? Yeah, I know I'm pathetic that I just figured out how to do this couple of days ago, owell.

I know I said I'm busy, I am. But last night I had a spare time so I made the picture and I thought I just had to put the skin on. So that's just why I'm here. Like the layout?
~`JJe~ <33




Err.. let me just post a quite long one for this once. From next week on, I doubt that I would post as often, my exams are coming up and I'm having loadshit of big assigns. And then after that I have to start packing for going back to Indo and shipping them and start doing the MTC project thing for writing an article for Indonesian's newspaper. So today, I'm trying to enjoy my day relaxing & having nothing to do.. until my mum comes home and tells me to take a shower and go to Eastgardens with her -_-'

So.. it's 2 and a half months until I come back to Indonesia. Excited? Er.. not really. Happy? A tiiny bit. Worried? Not really. How do I feel? ..As usual. The only thing I'm looking forward to go back to Indo is to have my own privacy. At last I can have my own tiny room on the corner where no one can dsiturb me. Also, I'm looking forward to buy new things, clothes, wardrobe and such. And to meet Ria and Devita.. and also to start things over again and hopefully to have a more interesting and better life, not a dull one. Okay.. so maybe I am looking forward to it, but I sure will miss Australia alot. All the big changes and big things that happened to me are in Australia, but then since loads of things happened here, there's nothing else to happen. Does that even make sense? But again, the chances are probably slim and yeah.

Yesterday was the MTC trip to Auburn and to have the interview with at least with 2 people or so. But we didn't get to interview and instead we took pictures only. The mosque was really pretty and huge. It was probably the most interesting one. And again, it was funny and filled with laughter.
Anyways, make sure to check out the previous skin I made (it's mentioned at the previous post) and I'll come back later.

~`JJe~ <33




I'm in a real rush. So here's what I wanted to say, I might not post for a couple of days, or maybe weeks, I don't know. Losing interest in blogging, but I'll be making more skins, heh. I made another one. Check it out here. Okies, toodles. *runs to the bathroom*

~`JJe~ <33




Okay.. so my computer got better and I decided that I can use it again ..except for playing music, the speaker is broken and stuff. So it's still stuffed, but I still can blog and make skins and go online sometimes. I'm desperate to listen to my music right now, but gahh it's not working T_T

Anyhow, I made a random skin with a softer background; grey. Lawl, so it's not that soft, but it's not like pitch black or really dark or bright colours I usually use. There's bright green, but it goes softer with the background. Check it out, download, comment and rate here. I was bored as you see and I was trying something slightly different. Overall, my skins are always weird and sometimes I find myself disgusted with them, heh. I'm bored with this one already and I'm sure that pretty soon I'll be desperate to change it.

That's it. I won't complain much this time.. EXCEPT.. that the fact dumb people who advertise by using pop-ups and such should die. And I would shot those who invented viruses if I could. Enough said. I'm going to sleep.

~`JJe~ <33




Right. I'm just here to inform that the end of using my beloved pc has come. It's totally fucked up and right now I'm using my brother's. All I can do with that pc is just keep it on for music and that's it. I don't care though, I'm getting busier anyway and I can at last spend my time for something else rather than bumming around the internet. So for the moment, I'll be using my brother's until probably I can beg my parents to use my mum's old laptop.

Today I have gone crazy.. once again. And I also lost my favourite and the one and only Unfuck The World pin. I shall find another one.. wherever that is. Gosh, I've lost alot of things these days.. but then again, I don't find any point of craving it so I just let them go =/ Everything comes around so I'll probably get something else for a change in the end anyway. Enough blogging, I shall start on my assignments.

~`JJe~ <33