Tuesday, August 22, 2006
should've done something but i've done enough see. my blog's so boring now that everyone is sick of my complaints and shits. i dunno what to do really. im getting worse and worse. gah. its so unfair. i wish i like someone. i do. i wish i like someone in a specail crushy that way. i wish i find me and my life interesting and not boring anymore. ive become so dull now. pft. who would like to be near a boring and dull and weird girl with lots of shit in such a young age and also stupid childlish bitchy crappy girl like me? i didnt say that to have some attention. but im so ashamed of myself. i wanna change. i do. ive changed. but i dont like the way i am. maybe i wont change as style and how i dress up and the things i like. but i wanna change my personality. i wanna change so that im not dull and boring. i wanna entertain myself and people. not complain to people about this and that. i wanna make people smile. i dont wanna think about the future and whats gonna happen and how im not looking forward to anything. i wanna live day by day without caring if ive done mistakes and craving over it. i wanna fix mistakes. and then move on. you know what.. last and this week.. ive learnt so many lessons in my life. seriously. i was frustrated, upset, depressed because of how things goes wrong last week and sometimes it still is this week. but ya know.. im sort of thankful. cos ive learnt so many things in my age. and not too late. i have learnt how friends are so precious and how we cant waste them away, cos its easy just to throw them away but hard to get them back or to find another one. i have learnt that things goes wrong so we can learn from our mistakes and not do the same thing next time. i have learnt to dont get upset easily because we didnt perform as good as we expected to be. and i have learnt how lucky i was. and i have learnt that i have to express my feelings and emotions or else it might led me to another big mistake and do a stupid thing. i have learnt to think of the consequences before i do something. i have learnt that doesnt mean i have problems, i can make people around me worried. i have learnt to not look things so easy because it might be harder than i think, for example to practise before performing! heh. i have learnt how precious dev, pig, pash, mum, dad, my big brother sadra, and even my litttle brother mahatma, and my step mum, and my step dad, my step brother tohari, stephanie, ria, renata, amelia, anna, katrina.. *thinking* --everyone i have in the world. and i have learnt that there are so many decisions and ways in this world and so many wrong ways. i wanna feel like a new person now. not a screwed or fkd up one. i wanna fix things up. so let me. and wish me the best of luck ^_^ ~`JJe~ <33
12:39 AM
Just don't let me fall asleep, feeling empty again
