Yeah, it does takes alot of patient to finally have a net at home eh? But I still don't have much time, I have heaps of things to do.

I guess school has been going better but I still don't like it. I don't know, I have this weird feeling and I don't really feel comfortable with anything. Anyway, I miss Aussie too much and I guess being here doesn't really.. dunno it doesn't feel like anything's worth it anymore. But being here makes you feel like you need to have good grades at school more cos somehow it's just easier to feel scared that in the future you can't stand up by yourself and ending up as a poor person or a hobo and you can feel that you actually need to have a good education.. which sucks.
But what makes it worse is that school isn't all you're facing and all the other stuff outside school is making everything complicated and confusing and you get easily frustrated - well I do - and yeah.. I guess there's alot more pressure here. Although somehow I just smile alot. Maybe cos I don't know what else to do I smile in that ugly way and laugh, but it does help cos it makes things feels lighter. Anyhow, I'm still screwed as ever and I'm trying to fix it and get rid of my laziness.

Alright, bye.




ALRIGHT. I'm FINALLY ON. Still in internet cafe, viruses in the computer at home and my laptop refuses to go to internet here. I guess it hates it here as much as I do. I have to be patient for at least 2 more weeks and things will get better I think.
You know what? I don't think anyone is gonna care to read this but I'm just gonna spill.

Okay *takes deep breath* I'm an outsider here. The quiet girl from Australia who just somehow doesn't fit in and has bad marks. My life flipped 180% ..in a bad way of course. My dreams just shattered into pieces and I don't think I can fit them back together. My marks are way below usual and I have my finals in 4 months I think and I don't know if I'm gonna pass. I study around 10 hours a day cos I take private lessons after school and study again at night before I go to school. I know, since when have I become into a nerd? But my marks are still not that good *sigh* How I miss Australia SO much. I'd do anything to get back there. I'm lost here and yeah I can't really be myself and I can't do the things I love. It's so unfair. Awww.. I should've stayed..
I haven't smiled and laugh like I meant it for weeks.

Stuff stuff. I gotta do what I'm meant to do here. Project. Byez.

Labels: life, school