Thursday, May 15, 2008
It's over. Thank effing god. national tests are over..although it doesnt feel like so. but whatever.
if i look back on what i wrote in the previous post, i should say that its easier to say than actually be done.
okay, so one night, a week before national tests, i was alone. then for some unknown reason, which is kinda not hard for me to figure, i started crying. and it was hard to stop which is kinda funny, cuz its hard for me to cry and i havent cried like that for like, a heck of a long time. it felt good cuz im finally able to express how i feel instead of bottling it all up inside and let it scar me continuously, but at the same time i felt horrible. then i thought i should talk to someone, but then i realised.. hey, what are you doing? theres no one to talk to... which was true, there was really no one left for me to rely on. & i felt a different kind of loneliness, not the one im used to, this one actually hurts more.
i cried for myself. for my friends who were having fun, not knowing and doesnt seem to care about me, since theyre so happy that they lost sight of the ground and im left alone when ive been trying to cry out for help. i cried for a guy who hasnt contacted me for a week and left me hanging when hes been convincing i can put my trust on him. i cried for another guy who i cant seem to get over, who i loved so fucking much. i cried for the stress and pressure of school and my future.
i used to be able to cope up with my feelings, going out still looking alright and keeping it all together. but that time i was tired and i seriously didnt know what to do. it all came falling apart on me. the time i thought would eventually come was righ then. i broke down.
isnt it funny, how theres always some problem or complains that i just can write in this pathetic web page of mine.
i guess right now, im still going with the flow. im still letting anything thats supposed to happen happens. i still know im gonna go through what i have to go through. things got a little better after that night, just a tad bit... but everything will get better in time or if doesnt, itll get easier...eventually. or ill just get used to it.
one more.
If I wrote a note to God
I would speak whats in my soul
I'd ask for all the hate to be swept away,
For love to overflow
If I wrote a note to God
I'd pour my heart out on each page
I'd ask for war to end
For peace to mend this world
I'd say, I'd say, I'd say
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on
If I wrote a note to God
I would say whats on my mind
I'd ask for wisdom to let compassion rule this world
Until these times
If I wrote a note to God
I'd say please help us find our way
End all the bitterness, put some tenderness in our hearts
And I'd say, I'd say, I'd say
Give us the strength to make it through
Help us find love cause love is over due
And it looks like we haven't got a clue
Need some help from you
Grant us the faith to carry on
Give us hope when it seems all hope is gone
Cause it seems like so much is goin wrong
On this road we're on
Jojo - a note to god
<33
Labels: life
11:07 AM
Just don't let me fall asleep, feeling empty again
